Old Photos From Hulk Hogan's Son's Birthday Party Surface, Depicting Mock Combat, Power Maneuvers, JortsS

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• There isn't much to add to the title of Reddit user CLASSIC_HIP_HOP's post: "I got invited to Hulk Hogan's sons birthday party when I was 5. That is all." Other photos are here and here and, frighteningly, here.

• Now everyone's saying that LeBron is "leaning" toward the Heat, which you'll recall was among the several pieces of shit that Stephen A. Smith flung at the wall not long ago. Meanwhile, John Hollinger is frantically trying to coin a nickname for the LeBron-Wade-Bosh Heat. Thus far, I've seen Miami Thrice and Team Trinity, both of which suck and the latter of which is already taken.

• Kevin Durant signs a five-year, $86 million extension and immediately becomes every sportswriter's new unicorn.

• The NBA's new salary cap is $58.04 million, $8 million higher than the league's (willfully?) dire forecast.

• MGoBlog's Brian Cook, Deadspin superfan and all-around sanctimonious shit, has nevertheless done us the great service of ripping off David Berri's head and displaying it on a pike. Berri, for the uninitiated, is the Wages of Wins guy who goes around waving his R-squareds and thinking terribly clever thoughts (e.g., Jerome Williams was one of the great players of his generation). He represents the dark side of the sabermetric revolution — the dilettantes correlating like mad, trying to split the difference between Michael Lewis and Freakonomics. Go read Cook's piece. It's beautifully done.

• A bunch of guys dressed like Richard Simmons are riding bikes around France.

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Good morning. Let's see if we can talk about something other than LeBron James today.