Sheppard, Steinbrenner, (not) Berra

Woe was the New York Yankees website associate tasked with with writing the "Berra misses Old-Timer's Day after fall" release today after a week of franchise death notices.

My God, they thought to themselves, the whole people-die-in-threes theory is TRUE and I got the SCOOP! But then Yogi got bruised, but didn't get dead.

Berra, 85, was supposed to be among the 1950s World Series-winning Yankees, who were honored on Saturday. That team swept the Phillies "Whiz Kids" on its way to winning five World Series titles in a row, still a record.

"Yogi fell down last night near our house (in Montclair), and suffered some bruises," Berra's family said in the statement. "He is now recovering at home. He is extremely disappointed he is unable to participate in today's Old-Timers ceremonies and see so many of his friends. He appreciates all the well-wishes and hopes to be up and about very soon."

This is the point where I'd normally explain how these things just sort of happen when you celebrate beating the Phillies. So many people have beaten the Phillies over 127 years, though, that I just don't have the inner fortitude to track MLB slip-and-falls since 1883. Besides, it's going to come out that Danielle Staub's mixed up in this somehow, and that's when things really get rollin'.

So, feel better, Yogi. You've always seemed like a better person than Mattingly anyway.