Inception Was Great, Now Please Stop Talking About It, Assholes

I went and saw Inception on Friday night. I like any movie that includes mid-air hand-to-hand combat and Marion Cotillard's cleavage. But it's clear this movie is about to supplant "Lost" for annoying fanboy overanalysis.

(Warning: Spoilery spoilers ahead. Don't read if you haven't seen the movie.)

I never get out to movies. This happens to you when you have kids. You become old and lame and not with it INSTANTLY. It blows. So the fact that I was able to escape and go see an actual, adult movie that didn't have fucking talking toys and explicit undertones of death was welcome for me.

I really enjoyed watching Inception, but my opinion is clouded by the fact that I was seeing a movie for the first time in ages, and it was premiere night at the theater (seeing a movie in a jam-packed theater usually makes it better than it really is). Also, I was absolutely geeked for the movie, so I was damned if all the time I spent getting excited to see the movie was going to result in me fucking hating it. No way. My brain will always force me to like something I may not have liked, provided I invested enough time in it. This is why people say they love their children.

(I also liked watching the movie, and then going to sleep afterwards. I slept like a fucking ROCK that night. Totally had one of those dreams that seemed to last ages. Tits may have been involved. Thanks, Mr. Nolan!)

So my opinion of Inception ("That was fucking cool!") is 100% unreliable, as most every opinion of the movie seems to be. My folks asked me if they should see the movie. I said I liked it. They went and saw it, then left me an angry voicemail afterwards telling me I was an asshole for recommending it to them. My dad said it was a total waste of time. Well, it's not MY fault you're old and easily confused, man.

I'm no film critic, but I do know this. I read a bunch of shit about this movie after seeing it, and it's becoming clear that the movie has spawned a cottage industry of theoretical bullshit. Read this and you'll see what I mean:

The architecture is Ariadne's (Ellen Page's) design, but it's my dream. Then we drop down a level and go to the bar, to the hotel. I think we're in Arthur's (Joseph Gorden-Levitt's) dream at that point. Then - this is where it gets mind-bending - we drop down into Fischer's (Cillian Murphy's) dream, even though he thinks they're going to Browning's (Tom Berenger's) dream.

Confused? I am. I didn't think of any of this while watching Inception, and I liked it that way. Sci-fi movies usually work when they set up their rules up front and then play by those rules for the next two hours. "Inception" more or less does this, even if some of those rules are fucking stupid. But I didn't care about that, because OH SHIT! GIANT TRAIN SMASHING CARS! TOM HARDY SHOOTING BIG GUN! LOUD MUSIC! BOOSH! Also, the end of the movie is open-ended, which meant the whole thing could have been a dream and Nolan never had to follow any of the rules he set up anyway, because it's a dream and inherently chock full of illogical shit.

You could dissect this movie to death for ages if you like, and plenty of people already have begun doing this. It's basically supplanted "Lost" for all your theorizing needs. And now I'm reading all these ideas and theories about the flick and it's making me question what I saw and rethink whether or not I had a good time watching it and it's driving me up the fucking wall. Did I like that? I seemed to when I left the theater. Was that a genuine reaction, OR WAS THAT A DREAM OF SOME KIND?!

If you saw Inception and liked it, just do yourself a favor and never read about it. Ever. Because, like "Lost" or the finale of "The Sopranos", you'll be just be drawn into this long and annoying debate full of questions that don't have any answer because the person writing the movie or show purposefully didn't want to supply them. The movie rocks. The bullshit factory it's generating? Not so much.