Only Peyton Could Make A Badass Visor Look GoofyS

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•After a day-long auction filled with contention, cursing, and pizza, the Ryan/Greenberg group outbid Mark Cuban's group for the Texas Rangers. Then, someone swooped in with a $1 billion bid at the end, but when the auction ended, everyone discovered it was a fake eBay account.

Roger Goodell says he wants blood testing for HGH as part of the next CBA, to uphold the integrity of the game. But he'll happily take a rookie pay scale instead, if no drug testing is so important to the players.

•Ubaldo Jiménez, with two months to go, tied a Rockies record for wins in a season with 17. It's a random list: Pedro Astacio, Jeff Francis, and someone named Kevin Ritz. Don't hand him the title yet; there's always a chance he could never get another major league win in his career, just like Kevin Ritz. I'm assuming.

Barry Bonds has a message on his official site for Alex Rodriguez: "Congratulations Alex on hitting your 600th home run today, welcome to the club. Stay healthy and focused, you only have 163 to go. I'll be watching and rooting for you along the way. Good Luck." Translation: if he doesn't have the record any more, maybe the feds will leave him alone.

•Haynesworth Watch, day 7: no test.

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Today: a return to normalcy? Not if we can help it.