A Look Inside The NFL's Drug Testing Methods, Chad Ochocinco's Bladder

Mr. Ochocino found this note taped to his locker yesterday. It's just the high-tech, low-margin-for-error procedure we've come to expect from the NFL's steroid testing.

"Dear Chad. We're going to assume you got this note, although with your busy schedule and the hustle and bustle of training camp, you could easily and plausibly claim you never saw it.

"If you would be so kind, come on by and see our drug testing guy later on today, when you get a chance. No rush. But don't do anything silly, like going to drink a ton of water, or one of those detox products, or go home for the day.

"And to any teammates reading. Please don't call Chad and tell him to stay home today because he's going to be drug tested. We want it to be a big surprise!"

Ochocinco, for his part, complained,

Ok , why does the NFL continue to test me, all I do is piss excellence for them each time, I love these random steroid -drug test

I know this is the method of obtaining samples in most major sports, so we won't bust the NFL's balls on it. Still, is it too much to ask for a midget in a lab coat hiding in a bathroom stall, standing on the toilet seat so you can't see his legs, who bursts out when you enter the room and demands you pee in his cup?