Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• Hey, did you hear Joe Torre quit, effective end-of-regular season? Hey, did you hear he'd "listen" to any interest from the Mets? [New York Post]
• So, Michael Vick's a starting professional quarterback again. [Philadelphia Inquirer]
• Carmelo Anthony's wife Lala, talking about all the where's-Melo-going chatter, says, "we've turned it more into a joke because literally every day, more than four times a day, we have moved or are moving to a different place." Haha! [Denver Post]
• Former University of Florida broadcaster Steve Babik has been sentenced to more than 12 years in prison for child pornography. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution]
• Texas high-school quarterback collapses on the sideline, dies. [AP]
• And finally, the Jets are unprofessional. [NFL.com]
Saturday. Let's do this.