Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
•A couple days ago, Jay Feely Tweeted this: "As good as Roy Halladay has pitched this yr for Phillies, it's almost impossible for him to pitch as well as Cliff Lee in playoffs last yr". That's funny, I recall Cliff Lee giving up at least one hit last year.
•The Twins lost their tenth consecutive playoff game to the Yankees, with Francisco Liriano being slightly shakier than CC Sabathia. Sabathia's uniform was a tribute to the old Metrodome baggie in right field.
•Brent Musberger opines that pro sports could, and possibly should allow athletes to use steroids. Why not? Then each player's lab technicians become kind of like the equivalent of a driver's pit crew. The head chemists for successful players become highly sought after, and will jump around in free agency. You think I'm joking, but I may have just described the future of sports.
•Here's a gentleman who was very excited about the Rams' win on Sunday. Drunk on booze and victory, but mostly booze, he wants to dance. If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of his dance partner's skull cracking open.
(Screengrab via the essential 30fps)
Oh, what's the point. You're not even reading. You just want to look at penis on the Internet.