Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• Did Dwayne Wade make sexy time with Gabrielle Union in front of his 8- and 3-year-old sons? Not that there's anything wrong with that. [FoxSports]
• Barry Bonds tells TMZ that he's supporting the Giants [Sacramento Bee]. The U.S. Attorney's Office tells the rest of the world that the Giambi brothers are among those on the witness list in Bonds' freakish skull-growth trial [Miami Herald].
• The Mario Andretti Driving Experience proved fatal for a 24-year-old woman yesterday when she crashed a replica Indy car into the wall. [Fontana Herald News]
• So, Dubya stuck around to watch his good old Texas Rangers cough up a 5-0 lead. Thank you for these pictures, picture takers [Yahoo Sports]. I'd returned to watching Hellcats, figuring Team Ginger Ale had it locked down. I probably shouldn't have said that aloud. [Star-Telegram]
• The Home of the Brave pulls its '18 World Cup bid out, will focus on the '22 tourney. [GoUSABid.com]
• Ponzi scheme victim John Elway attends Broncos practice. [Denver Post]
• The rich-kid school in North Carolina raised an NCAA championship banner last night, so Miles Plumlee rode a unicycle. [Burlington Times News]
• At the grand opening of Auburn's new $86 million hoopeteria, Charles Barkley said he was having a great week because "those assholes at Alabama lost last week." [al.com] (H/T Landon)
• For fantasy purposes, it looks like the Ravens are focusing in on Brandon Tate. Just sayin'. [Baltimore Sun]
• For anybody who cares, Antonio Tarver is still fighting. He did so as a heavyweight last night. [Boxing Scene]
• And, finally, from the "Hickey's Biased" coverage files … Absolutely love the fact that Halladay and Lincecum are pitching tonight. Absolutely love the over, ironically. And, absolutely love the opportunity to post a Dazed and Confused clip.
Good morning Deadspin nation. Read and comment like a champion today.