Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• At long last, Barry Zito got his World Series ring. Back in San Francisco, Giants fans erupted in a spasm of collective joy not seen in the city outside of Cinco de Mayo, Bay to Breakers, certain political rallies, the Love Parade, the Castro District Halloween party, the Folsom Street Fair, Pride Celebration, bluegrass festivals, Critical Mass, Mardi Gras, and La Taqueria at 2 a.m.
• Mother Jones is totally harshing your mellow.
• Brad Childress, writes Yahoo!'s Jason Cole, "has become the Captain from 'Cool Hand Luke,' a smarmy, cruel and vindictive person."
• Greg Oden went for a walk in honor of the late Maurice Lucas:
"When I found out, I was pretty sad,'' Oden said Monday night. "I just sat back in my hotel room and was like, dang. Coach Nate was telling us how Luke just wanted to get outside and walk, and he couldn't, so after we had our meeting today, I went out and just walked ... walked and just thought about him and the time we spent together.''
While walking, Oden stepped into an open manhole and shattered his leg in 56 difference places.
• Technical American Meb Keflezighi will defend his New York City Marathon title despite a knee injury sustained last winter when he slipped on some ice. To any dead-enders out there who still think Meb is something less than a real American, I'll just say this: There is nothing more American than quoting, as Meb does, something banal that John Wooden once said. Nothing.