Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• How do I justify using a picture of Chris Hanson jackpotting a condom-and-wine-cooler-toting fella who was told she was 18? How about this: Peyton Manning — aka dude on TV during Perv Catching Hour — said QBs aren't whining about roughing penalties. [USA Today] (H/T Mr. Lew)
• White Guy/Minnesota Timberwolf Kevin Love dropped 31 points and 31 boards last night. He's the first player since Moses Malone to do so. It was against the Knicks, though. See what I did there? [Star Tribune]
• Jerry Jones says Super Bowl winning coaches have asked him to be Jason Garrett's replacement when the substitute Dallas Cowboys coach is inevitably released after a 3-13 campaign. Aw. Noted insufferable shit Tony Dungy, "I do think it's a better job than people think." [ESPN]