Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• LeBron James came back to Cleveland last night. He threw powder in the air and finished with a season-high 38 points, 5 boards, and 8 assists and the Heat won, 118-90. Before he left, he stated plans to continue this "greatness for myself." Cavs assistant Jamahl Mosley did not want to hear it.
• Rich Rodriguez got very emotional about his job security at the Michigan football banquet last night, telling the crowd, "I truly want to be a Michigan man." Then someone played a Josh Groban song, and everyone in the room spontaneously self-actualized.
• Ron Santo is dead.
• The Eagles beat the Texans 34-24 and are now 8-4 and first in the NFC East. Michael Vick threw for two TDs and ran in another, and not a single game report I saw included the words "dog," "jail," "redemption," or "character." This is progress.
• The Chicago White Sox have signed Adam Dunn and AJ Pierzynski. Homeostasis returned to Boston when Jason Varitek re-signed with the Red Sox. The Yankees may or may not be sweetening their offer to Derek Jeter.