Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.
• Cam Newton arrived in New York City yesterday for some sort of award presentation which will happen tonight. He apparently sat in a leather chair and was asked for his feelings about his father Cecil, who chose not to attend the ceremony: "It hurts, but that's a decision that he made." [ESPN]
• Patriots LB Brandon Spikes takes cheater drugs, so the NFL suspended him for four games. However, Brandon Spikes claims they weren't actually cheater drugs [Boston Globe]. Here's a carefully worded statement clearly written by Spikes:
"I've been contacted by the NFL and informed that I will be suspended four games for the detection of an illegal substance in a drug test. The substance was a medication that I should have gotten clarification on before taking. It was not a performance enhancer or an illegal drug. The integrity of the game is very important to me. I understand the league's ruling and apologize to my teammates, the fans and the Patriots organization for this mistake."
• After not being able to do so Wednesday or Thursday, Vikings quarterback Brett Favre was able to grasp several balls yesterday. Good for him. Good for the balls. [Star Tribune]
• Cliff Lee is still totally playing hard to get [New York Times]. This has forced Hank Steinbrenner to use a big word.
"For somebody of that stature, it would certainly behoove him to be a Yankee, which would probably be for the rest of his career," Steinbrenner, the Yankees' co-chairman, said during a telephone interview Friday with The Associated Press.
• Clint Dempsey, an American soccer player who plays in the English Premier League, is not for sale. In fact, "Fulham boss rubbishes Clint Dempsey rumours," which means when the transfer window opens next month, other teams who want Clint's services won't be able to buy them. [Sky Sports]
• Scott Lang, the 41-year-old basketball coach at La Roche College in Pittsburgh, collapsed at practice yesterday and died. RIP. [WPXI]
• Manu Ginobli: "I think I've just seen an airplane in flames plummeting! Unless I'm still asleep and its just a dream." [Fanhouse]
• Martina Navratilova tried to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, failed. Choker. [Reuters]
• Nebraska football coach Bo Pelini says, in a prepared statement, "the reports that I am preparing to interview at the University of Miami are false. I will not have any additional comment on this matter or any other rumors." [Omaha World-Herald]
• The police raid Ravens kick returner [ed: fixed!] David Reed's house for drugs. Awesome. [Fox Sports]
• And, finally, from the "Hickey's Biased" coverage files … the mighty Delaware Fighting Blue Hens beat lowly New Hampshire 16-3 last night and advanced to the Football Championship Subdivision semifinals. They will beat either Georgia Southern or Wofford next. [News Journal]. Michael Vick has 100,000 more fan Pro Bowl votes than White Jesus [Philly.com].
Good morning. Let's watch Russians dancing to a Creedence cover together. Skrelnick.