Help! My Wife Won’t Stop Flashing Her Boobs!Drew Magary12/14/10 3:10pmFiled to: FunbagBalls DeepDeadspinxyTop2141EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalinkTime for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Find more of Drew's stuff at KSK or on Twitter. Today, we're covering failure, sleeping dingleberries, gay slurs, and more.AdvertisementYour letters:Chip:AdvertisementWhenever my wife and I get together with her friends and their husbands sans children, it is usually at the lake or the someone's pool where heavy drinking is involved. The females are all reasonably nice looking and on occasion, my wife will flash her tits. Not leaving them out, but long enough for everyone to see if they are paying attention. I have no problem with this as it is all in drunken fun and ends well for me later. But over the years, other females have flashed rarely, if ever, and this seems grossly unfair. I would like to see some of the others' funbags and have asked my wife not to show anymore until the others play along. I told her I was tired of being the only man of the group to share. Is this an acceptable request or am I just being an asshole? What's fair is fair, right?Wait, what? She does what? Do you live in Scandinavia or something? Since when did tit-flashing become part of cocktail hour? NOBODY TOLD ME. If I was out drinking at a lake with a group of people and one of the wives just randomly flashed her tits, I think I'd have to spin an Inception totem. My skull would be blown.If your wife wants to flash her boobs at a cocktail party, I suppose that's her right. But you need to know that isn't necessarily normal. You certainly can't expect other women to respond in kind. Not every girl is so casual about tit-flashing, especially any girl with a substandard rack or a rack that may have been mutilated in a bizarre pit bull attack. Besides, if everyone started flashing their tits at the party, then one of the guys would whip out his dick, then it would lead to whole swingers orgy that would only ends in tears and MURDER years down the road. I think it's perfectly fine if you request to your wife that she keep her funbags to herself.SponsoredAnon:I am a senior in high school and am in physics class right now. I just learned that my average so far for the 2nd quarter is a 55 because I don't do the homework and get 63s on tests because I play games on my phone the whole class. I am getting my progress report this week and my parents are going to flip out. Should IA. Tell the truth? B. Hide the progress report? C. Burn it? D. Smoke some weed?There's no point in burning it or trying to hide it because, if memory serves, teachers usually place personal calls to the parents of failing students to tell them that the kid in question is on the verge of flunking out. Plus, I assume you have no plans on doing anything to, you know, IMPROVE this score. That means you're probably gonna end up failing anyway, in which case you're merely prolonging the agony. Your solution here is to smoke the weed, then tell the truth. Their crass yelling won't hurt you as badly if you're heavily sedated.AdvertisementIn your defense, physics is fucking impossible. I took it in school and was miserable at it. Kilojoules and newtons and all that horrible shit: they may as well have written the textbook in fucking Russian. I couldn't process any of it. There were some subjects in school that were simply impenetrable to me. Even when I studied hard, I was unable to comprehend any of it. Physics was like that. Calculus was even worse. I think every student in America should be allowed to opt out of one required field of study per year if they demonstrate a fundamental retardery in that subject.Carl:Do you think it's ok to use the word "gay" when you're describing something that you think is stupid? I am not gay and have absolutely no issue with people who are, but I use the word "gay" in place of "stupid" ALL the time. I have a couple of gay friends and a couple of gay family members and none of them get offended in the least bit when I use it. The only people who seem to be offended are those who try to be PC like Hilary Duff. So why are people (who are straight) so up in arms against using it to mean "stupid"?This is an ongoing controversy that crested earlier this year with some people getting crazy pissed about that movie trailer where Vince Vaughn says electric cars are gay. Lord knows I've used the word that way, and gotten my fair share of shit about it from various people. Maybe no gay person you know is offended when you say, "Hey, that vanity plate is fucking gay," but of course that doesn't mean it holds true for the entire gay population. It really does annoy some of them, causing them to get off their Vespa scooters and come skipping at you with great fury. I KEED. I KEED.And you can't say to someone, "Hey, you can't be pissed about that!" You can't bully someone into convincing them they aren't offended when they really are. Earlier this year, I wrote a post called LeBron James Is A Cocksucker, and we got all sorts of hate mail for using that word. And I, being a moron, was actually surprised by all this, because I never thought of that word literally. I was like, "Wait a second! You can't be angry with that word! A COCKSUCKER IS CLEARLY JUST AN ASSHOLE!" That's how I've thought of the term my whole life. Someone's who's selfish and arrogant is clearly a goddamn cocksucker. Why, it has nothing to do with sexual orientation! THE COCK IN QUESTION IS HIS OWN! But you aren't liable to see it that way if you're someone who ACTUALLY sucks cock. You're probably going to think of that word as a hateful gay slur, and rightfully so.