Lenny Dykstra Won't Dispense Stock Tips And Autograph Balls For $35 At A Mall Today After All

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

• That Lenny Dykstra was scheduled to make a mall appearance today shouldn't surprise anyone. He always toed that fine line between Damone and Tiffany exquisitely.

Lenny Dykstra Won't Dispense Stock Tips And Autograph Balls For $35 At A Mall Today After All

What's truly surprising is his hype man's effective use of capitalization and exclamation pointing on what was not to be ...

"Lenny "nails" Dykstra's 1st Appearance in PA since 1995 ... Forget SANTA!! GET A PHOTO WITH LENNY DYKSTRA!!! MEET A PHILLY LEGEND!!!! Get some free stock advice from a man who is 182 - 0 ON WALL STREET!! JIM CRAMER!!! HE IS ONE OF THE GREAT ONES! [Craigslist]

Pity. I was thinking about driving down to find out Dykstra's thoughts on INDIO OATS!!!! Forget DABNEY COLEMAN!!

Previously: The Lenny Dykstra Collection [Deadspin]

• "McNabb's eight-month rise and fall as the latest Redskins savior in many ways epitomized the state of Washington's long-suffering professional sports scene." [Washington Post] "Shanahan isn't stupid; he knew exactly how big a can of controversy he opened, and he obviously did it because he felt he had to, in order to get some clarity." [Washington Post]

• The Knicks were beating the Heat 51-50 at one point last night. [New York Post]

• Ron Santo being dead is kind of the reason why Kerry Wood is a Chicago Cub again. [NBC Chicago]

• Rule of Life: Rock bottom isn't far off when Floyd Mayweather Sr. expresses concern for your future.

"I can't really say whether he is going to fight again or not. They can say whatever they want to say, but if I had to, I would advise my son not to fight Pacquiao." [BoxingScene.com]

Lenny Dykstra Won't Dispense Stock Tips And Autograph Balls For $35 At A Mall Today After All

• Lindsey Vonn won her first downhill race of the skiing season. [Fox Sports]

• Tennessee beat No. 3 Pittsburgh last weekend, loses to two mid-majors this week, including Charlotte last night. [Tennessean]

• Of course there's already a love-letter billboard to Cliff Lee on I-95 just north of Center City Philly. [Greater Philadelphia Tourism Marketing Corp.] Of course there's already a Hitler Yankees/Cliff Lee video. [Ted WIlliams Head]

• University of Maryland's AD won't say whether football coach Ralph Friedgen will be invited back for an 11th season. [Baltimore Sun]

• Yesterday, Notre Dame football coach Brian Kelly addressed the whole "woman kills herself after reporting sexual assault by player who allegedly wielded the 'Don't fuck with Notre Dame football' text strategy" ...

"If you don't have integrity, what else do you have?" Kelly said in a scheduled media appearance following his team's practice Friday. "Integrity is probably for me the only thing that keeps me going in this business.
"Sometimes misinformation and not having the right facts drives you crazy. So you have to have something that you hang your hat on. It's always for me been doing the right thing, and integrity." [Chicago Breaking Sports]

• Looking for a good reason root for Auburn? Here it is...

• Looking for a good reason to root for Iowa? Here it is ...

• And, finally, from the "Hickey's Biased" coverage files … Chris Pronger should be back by the All-Star Break [Philly.com]. Blue Hens play at noon; post forthcoming. [News Journal]

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Morning. Fun fact: In one fantasy-football draft, I took Favre and McNabb. Onward.