With news that Ben Roethlisberger is engaged, no one is more excited about the fact than the New Castle (PA) News. Join us on a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure of blindly navigating a small-town paper trumpeting their biggest scoop ever.

Big Ben Engagement Confirmed By Impressively Labyrinthine Newspaper SiteS

On their homepage, the news appears as a flashing banner. Yes, flashing. It's like a Geocities page.

Big Ben Engagement Confirmed By Impressively Labyrinthine Newspaper SiteS

Click on it and it takes you to this splash page, with not one, not two but three iterations of the same story. Don't click on any of the headlines, though. It'll just take you back to this same page. You've got to click the small text that actually says "click here."

Big Ben Engagement Confirmed By Impressively Labyrinthine Newspaper SiteS

Drudge Report? Or special section of the site hastily thrown together just for this occasion?

Big Ben Engagement Confirmed By Impressively Labyrinthine Newspaper SiteS

Yes, a slideshow.

Big Ben Engagement Confirmed By Impressively Labyrinthine Newspaper SiteS

More slideshow. Bear with us.

Big Ben Engagement Confirmed By Impressively Labyrinthine Newspaper SiteS

Slideshow.

Big Ben Engagement Confirmed By Impressively Labyrinthine Newspaper SiteS

Okay, this looks promising.

Big Ben Engagement Confirmed By Impressively Labyrinthine Newspaper SiteS

Finally, a story. Or at least part of it.

Big Ben Engagement Confirmed By Impressively Labyrinthine Newspaper SiteS

Is anyone else hungry for authentic Mexican food?

Big Ben Engagement Confirmed By Impressively Labyrinthine Newspaper SiteS

El-Canelo really got their money's worth.

Big Ben Engagement Confirmed By Impressively Labyrinthine Newspaper SiteS

If you've made it this far, congrats. You've learned an awful lot about the future Mrs. Roethlisberger. Use this knowledge wisely.