This Is Why The BCS Eats A Pile Of Shit

What a wonderful way to end the 2010 college football season. Oh, did I say "Wonderful"? Because I meant to say "underwhelming" and "fucking abysmal."

There are still contrarian assholes out there who will defend this whole BCS system to you (Hi, Whitlock!). If you see one, you take him by the nuts and you throw him over a bridge. Because 85 percent of that game last night was CANNED ASS.

Fucking BCS. It's hard to fathom how deeply and thoroughly the BCS system destroys any enthusiasm I have for college football. I love college football. I love the rivalries and I love it when a top 10 team gets upset even though rankings are arbitrary and useless. I love all that. But I fucking HATE college football. I hate any sport that is breathtakingly stupid enough to allow its postseason to be smeared with dogshit and left for dead in an alley for five fucking weeks. It's a goddamn embarrassment.

The endless layoff between games destroyed that game last night. You want to play a 1-2 BCS title game with no playoff, college football? Fine. Do so. But have the fucking common courtesy to stage that game no more than two weeks after the end of the regular season. Otherwise, what the fuck am I watching? That wasn't a postseason game I saw last night. That was the first game of the second iteration of the 2010 season. That's what it felt like. It felt like I was watching a game being played on fucking Sept. 3. The layoff is so long that all game's meaning is completely lost on me. Five weeks is so long that you literally end up forgetting that the college season is NOT over. Then this bizarre championship game is tacked on in the middle of nowhere and I'm supposed to believe it was the perfect capper to the season when it was the precise opposite.

What the fuck is wrong with December, college football? Why the fuck is this sport allergic to using a perfectly good month to stage meaningful games? Finals? Are you fucking joking? College athletes don't take TESTS. Are you fucking retarded? Are you too busy losing money sending your teams to shitty bowl games to notice that America has NOTHING to fucking watch on Saturdays that month? Why do we even send kids to college anymore? If colleges can't even get something as simple as a football postseason right, I can't even imagine how badly they can fuck up a history department. You know who won the Civil War? AUSTRALIA. It's true!

And there's always some asshole at the end of these bowl games that pipes up, "Try telling these kids this game was meaningless!" First of all, who gives a shit what the kids think? I care about ME, the viewer. Secondly, I'll happily tell them their win was meaningless. Your Rose Bowl win meant NOTHING, TCU. Because you got fucked in the end anyway. Thirdly, if you feel compelled to point out that the postseason game I just watched was NOT worthless, then something is really fucked up with your postseason.

It's past the point of being absurd now. Every year college football stretches out its postseason, the more irrelevant it becomes. It's a wasted sport. It's the bad orgasm of sports. You know how sometimes you'll be jerking off and you'll try and hold the orgasm for a second so that it's real good but then you fuck up and touch your peepee at just the wrong time and the whole thing is ruined? That's college football. It's the dribbling jizz on the mattress of American sport. It's the only sport in America that has no interest in actual growth. And that makes it un-American and Communistic and fucking EVIL. Fuck the BCS. Fuck the SEC. Fuck Auburn (who will be stripped of its title in five weeks anyway). Fuck ESPN. And fuck college football. That is all.