Oregon Fans Still Have A Couple Things Going For ThemS

Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day

•What did Carmelo Anthony learn from LeBron James coming to town? Not much, as James sat with an ankle injury and the Nuggets cruised. Perhaps he went away with the knowledge that Denver will be a pretty bad team without him, or that LeBron doesn't regret for a second going for the big media market. A Pyrrhic victory indeed for Denver.

The Yankees sign Rafael Soriano to the third richest contract ever for a reliever, and will use him as an eighth inning guy. Perhaps the plan is to ink nine great closers, and use the combo as the fourth and fifth men in their rotation.

•Bobby Valentine is back, fighting crime as public safety director of Stamford, Conn. As you know, he is a master of diguise.

•Cowboys Stadium may be impressive, but not so much from inside a stuck elevator.

Stephen Strasbeard update.

•The judge bought Lawrence Taylor's "I didn't know she was 16" defense, and let him plead guilty to avoid jail time. He's on probation for a long while and must register as a sex offender.

(Thanks to Colin for the screengrab)

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Good morning. Right on to things, shall we?