Today, Lawrence Taylor went on Studio B with Shepard Smith and rambled nonsensically and sometimes offensively about having sex with a 16-year-old prostitute in upstate New York a year ago. He said awful things ("It's the world of prostitution. You never know what you're gonna get, if it's gonna be a pretty girl or an ugly girl."), clueless things ("I'm not saying it's right but it's the oldest profession in the world"), and things that meant nothing ("it is what it is").
He talked like someone who'd forgotten what his manager had told him in the green room and suddenly had to grope around for half-remembered ideas of what regret and atonement soundbites are supposed to sound like. There is, after all, a formula for the Male Athlete Accused Of Illegal Penis Use Public Apology: it starts with the talk-show redemption tour and ends, if you follow the course and smile at the right times, with public expungement and acceptance. If that's the way it goes (and it usually is) then Lawrence Taylor had a rocky start today: He actually ended the program by telling Shepard Smith and his viewers, "[I'm] whatever you want [me] to be."