Your morning roundup for April 21, the day after McDonald's "National Hiring Day" in Cleveland got real. Real violent. Like, spitting in faces and hitting people with cars violent.

• In NBA first-round action, the Thunder took a 2-0 lead with a 17-point win over the Nuggets [Oklahoman] while the Lakers and the Spurs evened their series by defeating the valiant Hornets [Times-Picayune] and Grizzlies [Express-News]. (Photo H/T Alex D.)

• The Washington Capitals and Pittsburgh Penguins both took 3-1 series leads with double-overtime victories [NY Post; Tampa Tribune]. The Red Wings swept the Coyotes [Detroit Free Press]. And, the Anaheim Ducks and Buffalo Sabres evened their series at 2-2 with three- and one-goal wins respectively [Orange County Register; Buffalo News].

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• Alleged Auburn-tree poisoner/Bama fan Harvey Updike, who wore a crimson-red tie to court yesterday, claims he done got jumped at a Tiger Express gas station moments after his preliminary hearing. [Birmingham News, Auburn Bureau]

• Former NBA player Oliver Miller got arrested in Maryland this weekend for allegedly pistol-whipping some guy at a cookout. [Baltimore Sun]

• Duke University linebacker Tyree Glover got popped on cocaine-trafficking charges Tuesday. Glover, a backup, was already dismissed from the team. [Chronicle]

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• Yonus Davis is a 26-year-old from Oakland and running back for the CFL's B.C. Lions. Yonus Davis is also now the defendant in a case alleging he got caught with 30 kilos of ecstasy by undercover agents posing as Fed Ex workers.

In a statement, Davis acknowledged that he was expecting a Federal Express parcel containing 40 "boats" of ecstasy. One "boat" is street slang for approximately 1,000 tablets. Davis said the ecstasy shipment of April 9 was the second he had received from a Haitian man identified as "Red," whom he had met in downtown Seattle. [Vancouver Sun]

• In unrelated news, former Arkansas Razorback QB Ryan Mallett did wonders for his draft value by maintaining illness, not party-produced queeze, forced him to miss a dinner with representatives of the Carolina Panthers. [Sporting News]

• Strange night for the cursed St. Louis Cardinals. After the first game of a doubleheader with the Nationals, deposed closer Ryan Franklin got yappy about fan booing [Post-Dispatch]. In the second game, former Rick Ankiel went 2-for-4 in a Nationals loss after thanking the fans via newspaper ad for all their support. A couple of dudes clearly appreciated the sentiment. [Washington Post] (Photo H/T Alex D.)

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• Does Baltimore Orioles manager Buck Showalter disrespect America by saying, "What the fuck" during the national anthem? [TwitVid] (H/T Kirk W.)

• Does Washington Nationals third-baseman Ryan Zimmerman disrespect America by hanging out with Charlie Sheen in the clubhouse when he's supposedly rehabbing while the rest of the team's on the road competing? [Nationals Enquirer]

• Gerard Pique and the rest of Barcelona lost to Real Madrid yesterday. On the bright side, a Spanish magazine posted pictures of his jean-laden package from when he went to the airport to pick up his ladyfriend, Shakira. The picture comes complete with "???" enclosed in a pink circle and an arrow pointing toward his crotch. [Guanabee]

• Oh, about that Real Madrid/Barcelona game, Sergio Ramos proceeded to drop the Copa del Rey trophy at a post-match parade. [YouTube] (H/T Duckmouth)

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• When it blew a 3-1 lead over Tottenham, Arsenal's draw allowed Chelsea to move into second place in the EPL [Bloomberg]. Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger may be in trouble [Guardian].

Recently On Deadspin

A few stories you might've missed.

Creativity: A Tupelo, Mississippi high-school baseball player totally dupes the opposing team's catcher, who will remember this play until vengeance is his.

Theology: Kurt Warner believes in Jesus, even though he lives in a fallen world where free will is the enemy.

Ivory: This is the story of how two white dudes ended up in Kendrick Perkins's family photo.

Victory: Real Madrid rode Cristiano Ronaldo's pretty head to a 1-0 win over blood rival Barcelona.