One Nation, Under Jimmer

Your morning roundup for May 3, the day certain Canadians declared they're moving to Greenland.

•Derrick Rose will win the MVP award, shocking no one. The Hawks easily looked like the better team in game 1, surprising everyone. I'm sure we all can't wait for that Memphis-Atlanta final, unless David Stern's officiating staff has anything to say about it.

A budding Mark Cuban/Phil Jackson feud? I could live with that. It'd need to be a competitive series though, so Los Angeles might want to win a game or two.

Fans at all remaining NBA playoff games will have to pass through metal detectors, an added measure of security after Bin Laden's death. It's too bad Ron Artest's a model citizen now, because he would've been great for some kind of joke here.

•Just a single hockey game last night, but it was a good one. David Krejci scored 14 minutes into overtime, though only after a video review, and the Bruins are up 2-0 in their second round series with Philadelphia. And if history's any judge, Boston should do everything in its power to avoid going up 3-0.

•What's better than a fan on the field eluding security for a long time? A fan getting absolutely WRECKED the second they step foot out there.

•Actual argument used by the NFL: many players skip voluntary offseason workouts, so it's no big deal if the lockout extends into the summer. You know what doesn't skip the offseason? Our voracious consumption of any football-related news. Just let them get back to work.

Andre Ethier's hitting streak is at 28, exactly halfway there. Which is kind of like saying you're halfway up Everest when you arrive at base camp: technically, sure, but there's still a long way to go.

•As he expected before he shot himself, Dave Duerson's brain shows signs of advanced CTE, a degenerative neurological disorder caused by repeated head trauma.

One Nation, Under Jimmer

The Sports Emmys were held last night — check lifetime achievement award winner Al Michaels's frozen face — and the big winners were HBO thanks to Hard Knocks and NBC with the Olympics. Logrolling in our house: there's now an Emmy statue living atop my TV, and no, it doesn't improve reception.

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Smashmouth Hockey: I don't know if there's karma in hockey, but Adam McQuaid missing his check and going face-first into the boards was fitting, if cringeworthy.

One Nation, Under Jimmer

Spirit: American college students celebrating a big moment in American history the way only American college students know how.

One Nation, Under Jimmer

Sycophancy: Perhaps we'd call superintern-cum-flack Tony Wyllie the brains behind the Dan Snyder operation. But we're not sure there are any brains at all there.