Retiring Beer League Softball Commish Would Like To Thank Himself For All His Hard Work And Dedication

Lucky for us and our readers, half of all intramural sports participants join up just to get in touch with their inner asshole. I suspect that most of these individuals are tolerable for most of the day, but once they throw on a T-shirt with a number on the back something changes inside them. Like this softball coach, who you know damn well read this email out loud in front of a mirror ten times before he sent it.

From: [redacted]
Date: 09/27/2010 03:24 PM
Subject: Fw: RSBL The "Commish" steps down!

For those who haven't seen this email yet, [redacted] the annoying softball commish is retiring. Thank goodness. The bragging that takes place in his email is absolutely world-class.

[redacted]

From: [redacted] <[redacted]>
To: [redacted]
Date: 09/27/2010 09:58 AM
Subject: RSBL The "Commish" steps down!

Captains:

I would like to announce my retirement as the Commissioner of the [redacted] Softball League. This 2010 "One-Pitch" tourney will be my last act as Commissioner.

It has been a pleasure running this league.

Since I have taken an active part in this league six years ago I have had several accomplishments that exceeded my expectations. I drove a project that resulted in the construction of our current ball field at [redacted] - I am very proud of this field. I established a new relationship with the [redacted] Recreation Department where we now lease field use. I used surplus league funds to purchase field lining equipment and our silver "Italian Championship Cups" and the trophy case. I captained a new team that went from a winless season to eventually winning the Championships in both the B and A Leagues these last two seasons.

While running the league has been a lot of work - the league paid me back with the memories of these accomplishments of which I hope never to forget. It has been a great ride!

I could not have been as successful running this league if it were not for those working in the shadows: [redacted] who is my concierge, double checks the game schedule - which often needs correction - and is the liaison for the umpire organization. He is truly the man behind the curtain. [redacted] who is our score keeper and web site designer for all the years that I have been commissioner - and then some. [redacted] who was the League Treasurer for many of those years.

I have no regrets - I am going out on top - it just does not get any better than this.

I sincerely thank everyone in the league for the memories!

[redacted]
RSBL Commissioner

More Life Lessons: The Kickball Tyrant | His Female Counterpart | The Remorseful Softball Boyfriend | The Sweaty Soccer Coach | The Entitled Former Lifeguard

Have you received a similar email from an rec league moron? Send them along, please.