Hell No, Uncle Mo Won't Go

There are precisely six days a year that the vast majority of America pays attention to horse racing: the Thursday through Saturdays of the Kentucky Derby and the Preakness. (Add extra days for the occasional Triple Crown chance and any lovable injured/dead horses.) We're smack dab in the middle of that period, so get ready to care:

Because of a mysterious stomach problem — the words "gastrointestinal infection" have been thrown around like so much horse diarrhea — top contender Uncle Mo won't run the Derby, his team announced today. It's the same ailment that's bothered him for a while, possible costing him the Wood Memorial, and his Derby status had been up in the air. So it'll be some other lucky horse who captures the hearts and minds of a nation, at least until he pulls up lame at Pimlico.

Now raise your hand if this is the first thing you thought of when you heard about Uncle Mo.