By The Looks Of Things, The Texas Rangers Mascot Is Hung Like The Palomino Horse It Purports To Be

Your morning roundup for May 7, the first Saturday after the gays seized control of Atlantic City.

• One of two NHL teams facing second-round playoff elimination won last night, while the other continued showing no heart, skill or effort. Here's "how [a] blown call, frenzied finish, pure desperation keep Red Wings alive" [Detroit Free Press]. And here's how "everything went wrong for Flyers" [Broad Street Bull].

• Not that you needed to be told this, but Chicago Bulls guard Derrick Rose is really, really good. Like, 44 points in away playoff games good. Final score: Rose Etc. 99, Atlanta Hawks 82. [Chicago Tribune]

By The Looks Of Things, The Texas Rangers Mascot Is Hung Like The Palomino Horse It Purports To Be

• Even before the Mavericks took a 3-0 lead on the shriveling-up-before-our-eyes L.A. Lakers, Charles Barkley told a Dallas radio station he thought Dirk et al would win the NBA championship. To be fair, there are probably clips like this from radio stations in Miami, Chicago and Memphis and/or Oklahoma City. [105.3 The Fan]

• "Great champion, a swashbuckler, a handsome man who entertained the ground" Seve Ballesteros fought brain cancer for three years, but was unable to fight it off anymore. The Spanish golf legend died early this morning. He was 54. RIP. [Sky News]

• Cardinals pitcher Jaime Garcia takes a perfect game into the eighth inning, and gives up just two hits in a shutout. St. Louis beats the Milwaukee Brewers 6-0. [St. Louis Post Dispatch]

• Phillies pitcher Cliff Lee strikes out 16, but his teammates get just two hits off of "Speed Racer" Derek Lowe in a shutout. The Atlanta Braves beat the Philadelphia Phillies 5-0. [Philadelphia Inquirer]

By The Looks Of Things, The Texas Rangers Mascot Is Hung Like The Palomino Horse It Purports To Be

• Until we find some yutes able to re-enact it on video, this photograph of Andre Ethier of the Dodgers extending his hitting streak to 30 games will have to suffice. Full disclosure: The picture is actually from an Ethier's second hit of the game, but you get the point. [ESPN]

• If you're at all interested in seeing a photograph of what prompted Perverted Justice to open a file on Nationals reliever Collin Balester, today's your lucky day. [Yardbarker]

• If you're at all interested in seeing footage of the time dance-show contestant Hines Ward got handcuffed at gunpoint, it's also your lucky day. [TMZ]

By The Looks Of Things, The Texas Rangers Mascot Is Hung Like The Palomino Horse It Purports To Be

• Brett Favre might want to get into coaching. Brett Favre might want to get into the TV booth. Brett Favre probably won't make Brett Favre's mind up anytime soon. But that doesn't mean Brett Favre wants you to stop talking about Brett Favre while you wait for Brett Favre to finally announce what Brett Favre's mind finally decides what Brett Favre's future should hold. Brett Favre. [New York Times]

• In a Fox! Sports!! Exclusive!!!, the racin' feud between Ryan Newman and Juan Pablo Montoya kicked up some Darlington dust yesterday. Montoya might could hablo to you about it, but he might won't: "I'm not going to tell you s—-. Let's leave it at that. What happened in the trailer was between me, Ryan Newman and NASCAR. That's it." [Fox Sports]

• In the chippy Copa Libertadores quarterfinals, Jaguares Chiapas goalkeeper Jorge Villalpando didn't much appreciate being taken out of the match, so he went for coach Jose Guadalupe Cruz's throat. [Sport Post]

• Today's soccer-viewing recommendations: West Ham and Blackburn fight to fend off potential relegation at 9:55 a.m. [East London Advertiser]. If you're above bottom-feeding scrapping, Everton faces Manchester City five minutes later [Telegraph]. Over in Italian Scudetto-involved action, Roma and AC Milan face off at 2:30 p.m. [Goal]. And finally, enjoy Cristano Ronaldo and Real "Bound for LA in July" Madrid simultaneously play against Sevilla and pout about how Barca gets all the breaks at 3:55 p.m. [Sports Network].

• The mascot-dong photo was brought to you by tipster Justin S.

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