We Are All Dave McKenna CIII

Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit hurls itself upon the reef.

You might know that Dan Snyder is partners with Diageo, the company that makes classy spiced rum such as Captain Morgan. You might also know that molasses goes into the making of classy spiced rum. What you probably did not know is that leftover fermented molasses and all the spiced detritus from classy rum-making can make people sick.

What you are about to read is non-fictional and non-libelous and comes to us from the Virgin Island Daily News. It's a story about a Diageo distillery in St. Croix that smells so badly that it might be hospitalizing children. I kid you not when I say that I have read nothing that so perfectly captures what it feels like to have grown up a Redskins fan and now have to endure the reek of Dan Snyder upon the team:

A new smell worked its way over the area Monday: a pungent odor of decomposing molasses and leftover products from the distillation of rum at the Diageo facility, said Diageo USVI Vice President Dan Kirby.

"It's the vinesse from the bottom of the tank," said Kirby. He described it as "leftover products that comes from the distillation process," which is leftover molasses that has fermented, leftover yeast, ash and dirt.

The by-product is treated with anaerobic digesters in the EQ tank, Kirby said.

Whether the smell was better or worse than the sulfuric smells that hung over the area much of last week depended on who was asked, but Central High Assistant Principal Vincent Gordon Jr. said that, based on the number of students who reported sick to the nurse, "I would say it was worse."

"We had more students sick than last week," he said.

According to Gordon, 70 students and 19 faculty and staff reported symptoms that included vomiting, headaches, burning eyes and itching.

"A number of kids are itching and rashes are breaking out on skin and are itching on students and faculty," he said.

Unlike last week, students were not dismissed early Monday, Gordon said. Some students wore surgical masks to school in an attempt to alleviate symptoms, but Gordon said the nurse told him that might only trap the fumes and not keep them out.

Please fight the foul odor of Dan Snyder with a donation to the City Paper's legal defense fund.

Diageo's leftover molasses is the latest foul odor over St. Croix [Virgin Island Daily News]