This Would Be An Apt Metaphor If There Were An NBA Team Named The Sharks

Your morning roundup for June 5, the day we read about Gilbert Arenas' deep sea exploits.

What we watched: Sudden death rarely means sudden death. It's drawn out, even if we don't know who'll win until the last second. "It could end anytime" means it could go three, thirteen, or thirty minutes, not eleven seconds. But that's all it took for the Canucks to take a commanding 2-0 lead in the Stanley Cup Finals. We dove into a trench to find the floor a few feet down. Unless you're a Bruins fan, you shouldn't feel like you missed anything: we want genuine unpredictability, which includes the results that aren't as fulfilling.

What we're watching: Heat-Mavs. The Heat are going to pay for their hubris! The Mavs don't have enough in the tank to give that effort every game! The Mavs want it more because it's their last chance! The Heat are going to be more determined than ever. The Heat are too athletic! JJ Barea will summon the Larry O'Brien Trophy with his magical powers! Screw the narratives. Let's play b-ball.

On second thought, JJ Barea might have magical powers.

Elsewhere

Leitch doesn't make me feel any better: "Dolan will be in charge. Dolan drove a car into a ditch, Walsh towed it out, and now Dolan not only wants to drive again, he thinks he's the one who towed it in the first place. Whether Walsh was telling the truth or not, Jim Dolan now has unfettered, unquestioned control of everything that happens with the New York Knicks. Be afraid, everyone. Be very afraid." [NY Mag]

Bunts are deceptively dangerous: When we think of freak accidents in baseball, we think line drives and bat shards. But a few recent events, including one tragic one in Arizona, show that bunting is a risky endeavor. Braves outfielder Jordan Schafer fractured his sinus two nights ago, and a 13-year-old little leaguer was killed when his bunt hit him in the chest. There won't be any action on the major league level, but whether little kids should be laying one down is up for debate. [Bob's Blitz]

We are all Dave McKenna CXXI: Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's stupendous "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit goes to that big filing cabinet in the sky.

Leslie Nielsen had one more gift to the comedic world: Methane. [AV Club]

Shepard Fairey's US national team shirt screws up flag: We'll let tipster Adrian explain: "The stars should always be on the viewer's left. This wouldn't be as big of a deal if it wasn't for the national team in an international friendly. Just embarrassing." [American Outlaws]

Speaking of national team screw-ups: We got our asses kicked by the Spanish yesterday. [LA Times]

The 15 ugliest dunk faces: Joakim Noah was voted most likely to appear on this list in his high school yearbook. [MTV Clutch]

Chance and explanation: The one thing I didn't hear in any of this discussion was the most likely explanation for the sharp change in fortunes of the two teams in the final quarter of the game: chance. That's right. Pure randomness. Not an enthralling explanation, but most likely the correct one. [Psychology Today]

Bitter hockey fans and Craigslist: "I am unable to go because I have to go to a fucking piece of shit musical with my wife (whom I love). I had agreed to go, and since the NHL decided to make the most retarded schedule they could, I have to give up my ticket to the Stanley Cup Finals to see some piece of shit musical with some bitches singing about some crap I don't care about. It's a terrible seat, you will have a terrible time at the game, the beer tastes like crap and costs $10 each… Price is firm because I don't want to sell it." [The Puck Doctors]