With today's game six preview column, Plaschke has entered the pantheon of writers who write like Bill Simmons.
I know where it starts, of course. We all know where it starts. It starts, and possibly ends, with Dirk Nowitzki versus LeBron James.
Even though he hails from Germany, the Mavericks star Nowitzki is viewed as an all-American player. Humble, deferential, shaggy hair, floppy walk - he's Jimmy Chitwood with an accent.
Even thought he hails from middle America, the Heat star James is viewed as a foreigner. Dark stare, hulking frame, intimidating swagger - he's Ivan Drago with a headband.
Comparing a seven-foot European to Jimmy Chitwood is pretty whimsical. Especially since he's never captured the hearts of white America, even while playing in a market that would facilitate such a thing.
LeBron as a quiet, driven, Dolph Lundgren character is only slightly less inapt. He's muscled, sure, but he reacts on the court and has a pretty notable image off it.
Yup, these are his analogies.