A modern day Egyptian gladiator announced plans to fight a lion to the death in the name of boosting tourism. This weekend he made good, locking himself in a steel cage with a bored, lazy lion who just wanted to digest the whole donkey he was fed beforehand.

Before hundreds of bored spectators who were bussed in from a nearby city, Al Sayed al Essawy poked at the sleepy cat for 20 minutes, refusing to attack first "lest the Western press portray Islam as a violent religion." The lion roared, lied down, and Al Essaway declared victory.

In the coming Lion War, we have the right man on our side. Unless it's a Robo-Lion War, and let's be honest, it probably will be.