Frivolous Lawsuit Theater: Court Bitchslaps Wannabe Cheerleader

This is a story of how awful high school girls are, and how petty cheerleading politics can be, and how an overbearing stage mom get take this bullshit all the way to a federal appeals court. But mostly it's the story of how satisfying it can be to see justice done, with usually staid jurists writing an opinion that's just as Mean Girls as the case they declined to hear.

Sami Sanches is our plaintiff, and she sued her Texas high school district because she didn't make the varsity cheerleading squad. The whole thing started because Sanches, as a junior, started dating the ex-boyfriend of a senior cheerleader. The senior called Sanches a ho, Sanches' mother reported the senior's Facebook photos to the school and got her suspended, the senior plotted a ding-dong-ditch against Sanches, et cetera, et cetera. The usual crap.

But when Sanches was not selected for varsity cheer, her mother blamed the whole thing on a schoolwide conspiracy against her daughter, and took the school district to court for claims of Title IX discrimination. (The mother has a history of crazy - she had demanded a JV cheerleader be kicked off the squad because she kissed Sanches' then-boyfriend.)

The Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals wasn't having it. The best line from their decision denying Sanches' appeal (the entire thing is below):

Reduced to its essentials, this is nothing more than a dispute, fueled by a disgruntled cheerleader mom, over whether her daughter should have made the squad. It is a petty squabble, masquerading as a civil rights matter, that has no place in federal court or any other court.

There's also a lengthy footnote at the end attacking the grammar in Sanches' brief. Fifth Circuit ain't got time for your drama.

Carrollton Teen Sues Over Petty Cheerleading Beef, Is Laughed Out of Federal Court [Dallas Observer]