Chris Kluwe Conditionally Surrenders No. 5 To New Vikings QB Donovan McNabb

Your morning roundup for July 30, the day we're provided with living proof that 32-year-old women are, in fact, into 83-year-old men. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors.

Chris Kluwe Conditionally Surrenders No. 5 To New Vikings QB Donovan McNabb

What we watched: Generally, jersey-number exchanges between rostered players and the newest free agent/trade arrivals don't merit much, if any, attention except for the beat guy's as he scrambles to fill out the all-important notes package from camp. But this video of Chris Kluwe and Donovan McNabb closing negotiations for Kluwe's No. 5 Minnesota Vikings jersey does.

Because it's Kluwe, who's been the focus of a wee bit of attention 'round these parts lately. Because it features borderline-sloppy handwriting on a white board. And because in addition to the requirement that McNabb shout Kluwe's band Tripping Icarus out at five "non-consecutive press conferences" and donate $5,000 to the punter's favorite charity, he must also purchase, for said punter, exactly one ice-cream cone.

And that's where it gets interesting. Knowing McNabb from afar — the goofbag that he is — here's the initial thought: Kluwe done goofed. He didn't say that there should be ice cream in said cone. Just asked for a cone. Sure, the term "ice cream cone" implies a cone containing ice cream. In a semantic sense, however, the ice cream cone is still an ice cream cone even if there isn't ice cream in the cone. McNabb will exploit this — while hiding some Breyer's until the moment is right for the payoff — in an attempt to get an endear-myself-to-the-new-town laugh. You'll see. [Minnesota Vikings]

Elsewhere

Deciding the lead sports story in Philly wasn't easy last night, but it certainly wasn't Vince Young: "The Philadelphia Eagles have announced a five-year deal with the top free agent on the NFL market, corner Nnamdi Asomugha, who joins Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie, the corner they acquired yesterday from Arizona, and Asante Samuel in what is the NFL's most prolific and best-paid corner corps" [Philly.com]. "Pence-sylvania: Phils acquire Astros outfielder" [Phillies.com].

Hideki Irabu hanged himself, and it was a gruesome scene: "It looked like he'd been dead for maybe a few days prior," the spokesman Ed Winter said. "We understand he was having marital problems. We don't know if there was anything financial. Nothing stood out in the house. He didn't leave a note." [New York Daily News]

James Harrison is sorry about that whole calling Goodell the "devil" thing: "The interview that I did and the comments that I made about Roger Goodell were inappropriate, at the least. They were way out of line, and I was speaking out of anger and frustration at the time. Any comments that I made that offended anyone, I apologize." Aw, wooks wike somebody won't get suspended for Week 1 vs. Baltimore now! [Pittsburgh Tribune-Review]

Chris Kluwe Conditionally Surrenders No. 5 To New Vikings QB Donovan McNabb

They would've been the first African team at the Little League World Series (if they were allowed into the country): "For nearly two weeks, the players of the Rev. John Foundation Little League team from Kampala, Uganda, believed they were headed to Williamsport, Pa., for the Little League World Series. The team of 11- to 13-year-olds, which plays with donated equipment, was the first African team to advance that far. But their fairy tale story ran smack into United States immigration red tape. The players and their coaches learned this week that at least some of the team's visa applications were denied by the State Department. The Little League World Series, which begins Aug. 19, will proceed without them." [New York Times]

This deal, presumably, did not involve an agent: "Former National Hockey League star (sic) Mike Danton, who was jailed for conspiring to murder his agent, used Twitter to announce he'd signed on with a new team in Sweden. ... 'I've just signed my first professional contract in 8 years. I'm going to Sweden for the season 2011-2012. Thanks to everyone for their support,' he wrote." [The Local] (H/T Tomuban)

Your Bobo The Monkey Banana Derby Interlude (starts at 1:25):

The future ex-Cardinals slugger reaches a milestone: "Three-time Most Valuable Player Albert Pujols doubled past third in the eighth inning against the Cubs' Carlos Marmol for the 2,000th hit of his career, joining only four other players who have achieved that in a Cardinals uniform, led, of course, by Stan Musial, who had 3,630 hits with birds on the bat." [St. Louis Post Dispatch]

Police chief, exonerated suspect weigh in on the Stow case: "Although Ramirez has been cleared of any involvement in this crime, he still must deal with the fact that his name and picture were released to the general public. This caused the appearance of a rush to judgment, and is deeply regrettable." [LAPD Chief Charlie Beck, via the LA Times]. "More than anything, I'm upset. Not for myself, but for the grief and embarrassment that my friends, family, and loved ones have been put through." [Giovanni Ramirez, via statement released by his attorney].

We are all Dave McKenna CLXI: Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Donovan McNabb shares the Super Bowl victory stage with his deserving former owner.

Today's Soccer Viewing Recommendations: Chelsea/Aston Villa in the Asian Trophy final started at 8:30 a.m. (with a replay at 5 p.m.) [Jakarta Globe]. Inter Milan faces Celtic in the Dublin Super Cup at 11:30 a.m. (replay at 11 p.m.) [Eurosport]. Coverage of the Messi-less UEFA Championship rematch between Barcelona and Man U commences at 7 p.m. [Washington City Paper]. And, the L.A. Galaxy visit the Vancouver Whitecaps at 7:30 p.m. [Vancouver Sun]

(Banana Derby H/T @furlongnews)