Your morning roundup for Aug. 6, the day our Chinese overlords recommended we seek treatment for our mooching-trillions addiction. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors.

The Phillies And Giants Engaged In One Of Those Brawls That Really Aren't Brawls But Look Good On TV Anyway

What we watched: In a rematch of last season's NLCS, the Phillies faced the Giants in San Francisco last night. Vance Worley of the former got the win. Many sober folks in Philly probably missed the game since it started at 10 p.m.

The highlight of what they missed was when Giants pitcher Ramon Ramirez hit Phillies CF Shane Victorino in the back with a pitch. Then, it was time for one of those bench-clearing brawls that really aren't brawls, but the benches do clear and a bunch of men rush into close proximity posturing like they're ready to Send A Message With Fists but really have no intention of doing anything of the sort unless somebody takes a swing at them.

I like brawls (and/or boobs). You probably do, too. Why deny it? And when I see Victorino, who had a HR earlier in the game and thinks he was hit intentionally, make as if he's going to rush the mound but then abide by society's rules by stopping to wipe his nose instead of mound charging, only to have everybody misread the situation and head on out, it makes me pine for the Ventura/Ryan era. This is especially the case when I see a nancyboy Giants catcher bouncing on his feet as if he's Going To Do Something About It! before punching his nancyboy mitt. That move warranted, and received, an ejection. Because catcher Eli Whiteside is a total pussy. His friends and family wouldn't deny this. I mean, just look at him. See?

Granted, from the sounds and looks of this video, there was some violence in the form of Placido Polanco getting cutoff on his charge from first, but for all intents and purposes, not a one of these cats did it for Johnny. Sure, people could've gotten cleat-stomped, but America loses every time an almost-brawl is presented without the almost-. I expected more from Brian Wilson. I expected nunchaku.

Pitcher, catcher and batter ejected. Phillies win 9-2. It was their eighth straight. They remain undefeated since Hunter Pence's arrival. [The 700 Level w/ likely yanked video via Main Event TV]

Elsewhere

Cubs get an inside-the-park homer! Cubs win! Cubs win!: "Tony Campana is the last player anyone would expect to homer. He had been through 1,058 regular-season minor league at-bats without one and 71 more in the big leagues. So when was the last homer for the 5-foot-7, 165-pound speedster?

'Last year in the playoffs in Double-A, inside-the-park,' Campana said.

And the last that actually went over a wall?

'My last hit in college (at Cincinnati) - with an aluminum bat,' he said." [Chicago Tribune]

The Phillies And Giants Engaged In One Of Those Brawls That Really Aren't Brawls But Look Good On TV Anyway

Rockies pitcher takes a line drive to the head: "The Rockies lost 5-3 to the Washington Nationals on Friday night, but it didn't seem to matter after rookie right-hander Juan Nicasio was wheeled off on a cart in the second inning after being struck on the right side of his head by a line drive off the bat of Washington shortstop Ian Desmond. The ballpark fell virtually silent for several minutes as Nicasio lay on the Coors Field mound amid a crowd of teammates and medical personnel. He never got back to his feet before being placed on a stretcher and into the cart. [Denver Post]

Tim Tebow, People Pleaser: "I'll tell you this, just my own nature; I am very much a people pleaser. I like making people smile. I like making people laugh. I like pleasing people - whatever, coaches, teammates. So when I hear criticism, I hear negativity, on one hand, I try to block it out," Tebow said. "But on the other, I hear it, and it motivates me, not that I necessarily need more motivation. . . . Not in any way do I take it as negativity towards myself personally, but to my game, so I want to improve my game and what people are criticizing. If anything, I appreciate it. I really do." [Denver Post]

NFL mouthpiece as spent the past half-day whining about the New York Times: Greg Aiello's Twitter, 11 hours ago: "Hey NY Times. Get your facts straight! RT @nytimes: Analysis: N.F.L.'s Move to Drug Test Falls Short of Leaps + Bounds http://nyti.ms/nO6u84." Aiello's Twitter, one hour ago: "Other errors in NYT story: We give notice in less than 5% of tests. And starting this year there will be testing on game-days." Imagine the reaction if the paper reported the league wanted to expand the season to 18 games while pretending to be concerned about player safety. [Twitter]

Your Wham!-Involved Beer-Pong Trick Interlude:

Mike Patterson's out of the hospital, not back to practice: "Despite what Mike Patterson's agent thinks, the Philadelphia Eagles said Friday afternoon the veteran defensive tackle won't be at training camp at Lehigh University anytime soon." [Express-Times]

The Dark Knight will remedy that whole Roethlisberger situation today: "Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger and linebackers LaMarr Woodley and James Farrior are among the players who will take the field at Heinz Field as part of a shoot for 'The Dark Knight Rises' that will use about 10,000 extras to fill the stands. The players don't practice until 2:55 p.m., giving them some time to return to St. Vincent College in Unity for drills." A big-Steelers-fan pal of mine said he isn't going because they expect the extras to sport winter gear for about 12 hours. Expected high: 80 degrees. [Tribune-Review]

Big-Fish stories: "According to On the Water Magazine's twitter account a close to 82 pound Striper may have been caught in Connecticut." There's more. Much more. As well there should be. That's a mighty big striper. [Epic Blitz]

Sod damned it: "Groundskeepers at Soldier Field neglected to water the sod installed several weeks ago, with the result that the rows of grass separated at the seams and created a condition deemed unplayable by the Bears for their annual Family Fest. More than 10,000 tickets were sold and the event has drawn more than 20,000 fans in the past. The Bears refunded parking charges to fans as they left and instructed patrons to contact their particular ticket vendor to secure their refunds for the $8 admission charge." [CSN Chicago]

We are all Dave McKenna CLXXIII: Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumb-ass lawsuit gets drawn, quartered, tarred, feathered and thrown into the Potomac.

Today's Soccer Viewing Recommendations: At 12:30 p.m. eastern, a friendly between Liverpool and Valencia commences [This is Anfield]. Down in Brazil, it's Flamengo vs. Coritiba at 5:30 p.m. [LA Times]. Then, in U-20 World Cup action, Australia faces Spain at 5:45 p.m. and Nigeria vs. Saudi Arabia about three hours later. Check your local listings.