Miami released Crowder, its trash-talking linebacker, two weeks ago, and Crowder decided to retire today.
His explanation makes an odd sort of sense:
"I woke up, saw my pregnant wife, and all the teams talking to me are way up North, and I said, 'I don't want to do it,' " Crowder said on the Sid Rosenberg Show. "I looked at my wife and said, 'Nah, I'm going to be a family man now.' "
Crowder said Patriots coach Bill Belichick said he still had a spot in the league, but he called the free agency process "emotionally draining."
"I've got plenty of money saved," he said. "It's just not worth it."
Saved money? What is this? Have other professional athletes heard about this?
Anyway, we'll miss Crowder, because he had a knack for saying things that were somewhere between crazy, refreshing, and on point. To wit, this, from November 2010:
"Le'Ron McClain spit in my face," Crowder said of the Ravens' Pro Bowl fullback out of Alabama. ""That's some real ho' s-, so if you talk to him tell him he's a ho'. If he ever comes to Miami, he's got to see me."
What about the officials? Didn't they see what happened?
"Like they didn't see Chad Henne get hit twice when he slid. No, no, they say, "Aaah." Stevie Wonder and Anne Frank. Who's the blind girl? Helen Keller, then. I don't know who Anne Frank is. I'm mad right now. I'm not as swift as I usually am."
On the undefeated 2009 Saints:
"They're undefeated, they're probably smelling themselves, rubbing each other's balls."
On Rex Ryan's offseason braggadocio, in 2009:
"Oh he's going crazy. He's going absolutely nuts," Crowder said. "I know it's his first chance to be a head coach, and I know he's excited about life. But I've never played a football game in June in my life. So congratulations to him. He's the OTA Super Bowl winner."
On the NFL's first game in London, in 2007:
"I couldn't find London on a map if they didn't have the names of the countries. I swear to God. I don't know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that. I know London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That's the closest thing I know to London. He's black, so I'm sure he's not from London. I'm sure that's a coincidental name."
You have our respect, Channing. Never change.