Earlier, Drew mentioned the harrowing, unstable process of writing for TV. It is a blast if you get hired. If the show goes to series and you are staffed, you are now making around $200K minimum on a union show. That is more money than my family has made in generations. I would fill up my bathtub and swim in that money, never to worry again! (I am not a sound financial planner.)

But there is a number of roadblocks before you even are ALLOWED to submit for a job that will likely amount to nothing. Submissions are almost always by request. An executive producer will solicit agents and managers for packets from their writers. Getting an agent or a manager who can submit you is usually the result of doing stand-up or improv or sketch in rancid bars for years until someone notices you and believes you may be capable of generating ideas that could make them money.

Then, the manager or agent sends packets for which they'd like you to submit. Below is my most recent submission. This was for the second round of the Charlie Sheen Roast on Comedy Central. I doubt I got hired, because the special is supposed to film in three weeks and this was submitted about a month ago, in the midst of the Casey Anthony madness, as you can tell by at least one of the jokes.


My first submission was what I imagined a lot of their submissions looked like. "You're so self-destructive, Hollywood dead pools still give better odds to Elizabeth Taylor for being alive 2012."

For the second round, my manager wanted something different. I decided to roast myself at 13 years old. I'm pictured at right.


Thanks to Austen Earl, Doogie Horner, Chip Chantry, Tommy Pope and John McKeever on this submission.