We'll say this about Gilbert Arenas's Twitter account, which was taken down some time today: it wasn't boring, like LeBron James's worthless feed, and it wasn't used for incessant self-promotion, like, well, every pro athlete ever. It was just sort of obsessed with sneakers and almost criminally offensive to women! But now it is no more, thanks to a watchdog comedian named Joe Mande.
Arenas, the Magic guard who shares some history with murder suspect Javaris Crittenton, took notice of a post on Mande's personal blog yesterday. He then took great offense to the comedian's claim that he is not very funny at all, and in fact is just an offensive, sexist professional basketball player who tries to get away with being offensive and sexist by calling himself a comedian. Mande had noticed that Arenas had, without warning, deleted the majority of his offensive, sexist tweets on Monday, and wondered if his agent had finally started monitoring the feed:
My guess is, Gilbert got a call from his agent sometime this weekend, who said, "Hey Gil, would you mind deleting that tweet you wrote about how you kick women out of your bed when you're done having sex with them? And the other one about how you want those women to drive themselves home after you're done having sex with them, even if they might be drunk, because you're too busy sleeping alone in your king size bed? Oh, and also the one about the box of stolen female toiletries you keep in your bathroom? Actually… just delete all the tweets you've ever written ever. Is that cool? Thanks, buddy."
Gilbert Arenas likes to remind his followers that he's a comedian. If you're offended by his words, then you are stupid and can't take a joke. I understand that sentiment 100%. The thing is, I'm pretty sure Gilbert Arenas is not a comedian. I may be wrong, but I don't think he's ever actually gotten up on a stage and told jokes. If he is a comedian, he's a comedian the same way I'm a basketball player. Meaning, I'm a terrible basketball player. (Currently, there is only one professional basketball player/comedian and his name is
Ron ArtestMetta World Peace.)
Mande had also, admirably, compiled every single one of Arenas's Twitter profile pictures, which is essentially a gallery of the things that all horny ninth grade boys find hilarious and crude. His post inspired Arenas to reach out on the Twitter with cutting criticism like, "the funniest thing u said in the article was ur a comedian," and "so i was write that the no talented joe mande wrote it." (For some reason, the NBA's fine back in June did not encourage the same ire from Arenas.)
Arenas's account, "@agentzeroshow," now appears to be deleted—something Arenas had said he'd do for some time—which should earn Mande a public service award of some kind. We will assume, though, that the request from Arenas's final Twitter picture—"Ping!!! Mi if you feeling horny!"—still stands.
Can we talk about Gilbert Arenas' twitter profile pictures? [JoeMande.com]
Joe Mande pays attention to Gilbert Arenas on Twitter, receives attention in return [The Comic's Comic]