Today, Football spanned the globe. At least if you still subscribe to Eurocentrism. Lots of fun stuff to discuss down below.

Denver 18, Miami 15: "Blue 42! Blue 42! Watch the safety! Omaha! Get the Water! And the Fishes! Blue 42. Throw the loaves of bread in here! Blue 42! HIKE!"

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Chicago 24, Tampa Bay 18: England hates Matt Forte. He ran for 145 yards and a touchdown (and a safety [sadface] ) hours after Manchester City beat Manchester United. Who cares, right? The owner of the Buccaneers and Manchester United, that's who!

Cleveland 6, Seattle 3: I don't know, man. This is just sad. Here's something to hopefully help you Cleveland and Seattle fans giggle your asses off.

NY Jets 27, San Diego 21: Plaxico Burress. Remember that guy? Be prepared, New York, for a bunch of "Was he worth it? Well, at first he wasn't, but Sunday was a sign of life" style articles. Revis made another appearance with a huge interception and return. Mike Francesa could not be reached for comment.

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Atlanta 23, Detroit 16: Megatron had a huge touchdown grab, but it was not enough. Michael Turner ran for 122 yards while Matt Ryan and Roddy White hooked up for an 18 yard score in the final seconds of the first half. Meanwhile, the Lions unfortunately started Mark Sanchez.

Carolina 33, Washington 20: Mike Shanahan and Dan Snyder continue their diabolical plot to, I don't know, do something terrible to Redskins fans. Cam Newton actually got a win. Here's another worthless stat for Cam: he tied a record for most rushing touchdowns by a rookie since the merger. /Prepares bust in Canton.

Houston 41, Tennessee 7: Matt Hasselbeck was replaced to give the rookie, Jake Locker, some experience because the game turned into a blowout. Sure. Meanwhile the Texans get a win without their big guns on offense and defense. Except for Arian Foster who had a bajillion yards rushing and receiving.

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Mark Schlereth Reads An AP Style Game Recap
Cam. Newton. Ran for a. TOUCHDOWN and threw for another [don't yell "TOUCHDOWN" here] in the second. Half. To help the Carolina. Panthers. Beat the Washington. Redskins. 33-20 on Sunday.

Jonathan. Stewart. Also. Ran. For a third-quarter. TOUCHDOWN. For the Panthers (2-5), who for the. First. Time. All. Year. Found themselves playing with the lead almost the. Entire. Way.

Newton. Threw. For 256 yards. And RAN for 59 more. He ran for his seventh. TOUCHDOWN. On a 16-yard. Keeper. In the. Third quarter. Tying. A record. For most TDs rushing by a. Rookie. Quarterback since [keep it together, Mark] the 1970 NFL NATIONAL. FOOTBALL. LEAGUE.-AFL merger. NATIONALFOOTBALLLEAGUE!!![Nice, Mark. Kept it cool.]

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In the fourth, he had an easy TOUCHDOWN. Toss. To Brandon. LaFell that blew. The Game. Open.

Washington's John. Beck. Threw for 279 yards. And scored on a short. Keeper in his first. Start. In four. Years. But he didn't. Get. The Redskins (3-3). Back to the end. Zone. Again until they were down 30-13. NATIONALFOOTBALLLEAGUE!!!!!!

Pittsburgh 32, Arizona 20: Ben Roethlisberger threw for 340 yards and three touchdowns. One of those touchdowns (to Mike Wallace) was a franchise-record 95 yards. This was the first game between the two teams since their Super Bowl meeting in 2009. That's got to feel like forever ago, huh Cards fans?

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Dallas 34, St. Louis 7: Weirdly, a career backup, starting for a terrible team, was no match for the Cowboys. DeMarco Murray ran for a ridiculous 253 yards, including a 91 yard scamper (football terminology) for a touchdown.

Kansas City 28, Oakland 0: Carson Palmer finally made an appearance in this one after the ineffective—three interceptions in the first half ineffective—Kyle Boller was lifted. He then pulled a Kyle Boller and threw an interception for a touchdown. In all, the Chiefs tallied six interceptions and only won by 28.

Green Bay 33, Minnesota 27: Down by six, with the two minute warning looming, Leslie Frazier decided to punt on fourth and ten. Green Bay Promptly ran for 16 yards causing Minnesota to burn a timeout before the aforementioned two minute warning. Green Bay ran again. Another timeout. Another big Green Bay run for a first down. Last timeout used. Another first down run. Game.

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Fictional Character Associated With the Region Game Simulator Results Show
FCAWRGS was right on this one. On the one hand, the Redskins seem to have been immune to profanity-laced tirades for years. On the other hand, they're the Redskins.

Exciting Philadelphia Eagles Play Of The Day