Jesse Ventura Is Sick Of America, Plans To Become Mexican

Former professional wrestler turned former action movie hero turned former Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura is about to turn Mexican, the AP reports. Ventura is ticked off that he lost a lawsuit against the federal government (of the USA) on Thursday, alleging that airport scans and pat-downs amount to unreasonable search and seizure. In protest, Ventura said he would apply for Mexican citizenship. Because clearly there's no unreasonable search and seizure south of the border. Yeah, nobody is worried about pat-downs in Sinaloa.

The backstory to the litigation is interesting: Ventura was setting off metal detectors in airports with his titanium hip implant, a prosthesis necessary for many retired politicians. Usually, TSA agents used a wand on Ventura after he tripped the detectors. But one day last November, the agents decided to subject "The Body" to a pat-down. "The Body" does not like pat-downs. "The Body" sometimes Irish whips pat-downs into the ropes. Instead, "The Body" whipped a federal lawsuit at the government. A judge in St. Paul threw the suit out of court yesterday, which angered "The Body" anew. Outside the courthouse, Ventura channeled his former professional wrestler:

Ventura, a political independent who served one term as governor, teased that he might have to run for president to change the policy and a court system he regards as broken. Moments later, he vowed to apply for Mexican citizenship so he can live there more months of the year.

The former Navy SEAL said he had lost his patriotism.

"I will never stand for a national anthem again. I will turn my back and I will raise a fist," he said.

I believe what he meant to say is, "Levantaré el puño."