It's time for a new installment of Deadspin's college football rankings. As always, the teams are ranked according to the logic and values of college football, no matter how bizarre or contradictory they may be.
1. LSU (9-0) Last week: 1
In another college-football staged-possession "overtime," the Tigers "beat" Alabama with a "field goal," 9-6. But even if the game was morally a tie, the tie goes to the road team.
2. Oklahoma State (9-0) Last week: 2
The Cowboys got 575 yards of offense, 502 of it on quarterback Brandon Weeden's passing, to win a shootout with plucky Kansas State, 52-45.
3. Stanford (9-0) Last week: 3
The relentless Stanford rushing attack rolled up 300 yards in beating Oregon State, 38-13, while the Cardinal defense allowed only 252 total yards. Headline: "Andrew Luck tosses 3 TDs." To his credit, Luck did have 28 of the rushing yards.
4. Houston (10-0) Last week: 5
In a Saturday-Thursday road-game combination, the Cougars beat UAB and Tulane by a combined score of 129-30, with Case Keenum adding 931 yards to his (six-year) total and breaking the all-time career passing record.
5. [Vacant] Last week: 6
It's getting lonelier and lonelier at the top.
6. Arkansas (8-1) Last week: 8
The Razorbacks are climbing up onto the back-porch roof of the BCS, looking for an unlocked window, after beating South Carolina, 44-28, in a game in which they never punted.
7. (tie) Virginia Tech (9-1) Last week: 20
7. (tie) Clemson (8-1) Last week: 9
After an idle weekend for both Clemson and Virginia Tech, the Hokies beat Georgia Tech in a Thursday game, 37-26. One of these two teams will almost certainly win the ACC, and together they'll make up almost the entire pool of people who care who wins the ACC.
9. USC (7-2) Last week: 10
The Trojans beat Colorado, 42-17, as Matt Barkley threw six touchdowns, giving him two more than Andrew Luck for the season.
10. Oklahoma (8-1) Last week: 11
The Sooners beat Texas A&M, 41-25, to move ahead of Kansas State in the conference standings.
11. South Carolina (7-2) Last week: 7
Not as good as Arkansas.
12. Ohio State (6-3) Last week: 14
Beat Indiana, 34-20. Suddenly no longer the Big Ten's leading object of schadenfreude.
13. Southern Miss (8-1) Last week: 16
Remarkably nice season continued with a win over East Carolina, 48-28.
14. Kansas State (7-2) Last week: 11
Showed pluck. What more would Kansas State fans want, honestly?
15. Boise State (8-0) Last week: 15
Beat UNLV, 48-21. The BCS remained unimpressed.
16. Louisiana-Lafayette (8-2) Last week: 19
Beat Louisiana-Monroe, 36-35. Call it "gritty" and move on.
17. (tie) Auburn (6-3) Last week: 17
17. (tie) Alabama (8-1) Last week: 4
If Arkansas fans want to spin out Plan B schemes for sneaking into the national title game, let 'em. What else is there to do? But Alabama fans—no. Here's the Alabama scenario for winning a national championship: beat LSU at home. Oops.
19. Oregon (8-1) Last week: 19
Beat Washington, 34-17.
20. (tie) Michigan State (7-2) Last week: 22
20. (tie) Wisconsin (7-2) Last week: 22
120. Penn State (8-1) Last week: 18