Ken Rosenthal Throws Himself Against The Wall

Your roundup of all the hottest hot-stove items of the day. Photo via @joecapMARLINS. This is ... HOT FUCKING STOVE!!

• Albert Pujols probably won't be a Marlin after all. The rumors were fun while they lasted, but I think deep down we all knew this day was coming. Pujols and his agent are said to be spending today milking every possible cent from St. Louis, but the Marlins are "moving on emotionally," whatever that means.

• Everyone seems to be pretty sure the Angels are the "mystery team" courting Pujols, with one notable exception.

• The Marlins did find someone who would take their money. Mark Buehrle, welcome aboard.

• More Marlins news. Hanley Ramirez is upset about having to move to third, and he supposedly wants more money for his troubles. Buster Olney (shirtless, we presume) speculates that Miami could try to deal Ramirez and use the money it would save on Prince Fielder.

Another story about a starting pitchers' hometown!

• Tampa Bay signed Triple-A legend Juan Miranda.

• A.J. Burnett is apparently not very popular on the trade market. Wonder why?

• The Yankees won the right to negotiate with a Japanese utility infielder.

• Jose Reyes, meet the fun police.

The Mets acquired a bunch of guys who've lost closer jobs, plus Andres Torres.

• The Hideki Kuroda sweepstakes have begun.

• David Ortiz won't be leaving Boston, after all.

• The Padres may have finally found the last piece of the puzzle.

• Even more new out of South Florida! Is Loria fucking serious?

• The newly svelte Dmitri Young may have found himself a team.

• Erik Bedard signed with the Piratres. Perhaps more interesting is the fact that the story was broken in French.

• Lastings Milledge is the newest member of the Tokyo Swallows.

• Bryce Harper could be the Nationals right fielder this season.

Ken Rosenthal throws lots and lots and lots of shit against the wall.