We're roasting our former editor A.J. Daulerio, who has moved across the room to edit Gawker, a short-form e-book publisher. If you have an A.J. story to share, or if you would like to participate in some other way, please email firstname.lastname@example.org. Lightly sourced slander is welcome. Our guest now is Drew Magary.
A.J. Daulerio has disgusting teeth. I'm not exaggerating. Look at these things. They're gross little mini-chiclets, like someone took a belt sander and cut them down to the gums. And they're yellow as shit from decades of smoking fermented camel dung. This is why women only sleep with A.J. when they've done enough cocaine to run through a 6-foot granite wall. No sober woman would kiss that mouth. That would be like kissing an asshole.
Daulerio is a fucking freakshow of a human being. When you go drinking with him, he just sits over in the corner with his disgusting teeth, his eyes darting around, presumably frantically searching for his dealer. His way of joking with you is basically by being openly hostile. Half of all Gchats I have with Daulerio go like this:
ME: Got anything you'd like me to cover?
DAULERIO: GO FUCK YOURSELF. YOU'RE FIRED.
That's him joking. HILARIOUS. And the best part is, whenever you get mad with A.J. or you take umbrage with him, he throws it right back in your face and calls you a freak or a weirdo. This man ... this man who pays $12,000 for dick photos, snorts cocaine off the testicles of other men, NEVER brushes his teeth, and once peed on his girlfriend's head ... this man thinks HE'S the normal one. This man calls you commenters "boogereaters" behind your back (actually, he's perfectly fine with insulting you in front of your back as well), while he's off mainlining liquid Ritalin and fisting a baby sheep. A.J.'s a goddamn nutcase. Oh, and I wish him well and all that shit.