Put down the pitchforks and torches, people. I know this is unprecedented, but hopefully we can make it through together. It seems an NBA player—a superstar, if you will—took more than his two-step allowance and even moved his pivot foot. Despite this, travelling was not called.

The officials working the game have been sent to the country's leading neurology center to check for signs of mini-strokes or temporary blindness, as the league expresses dismay and confusion that such an outstanding travesty of the rule book was missed. David Stern has already announced that all 2011-2012 statistics have been tainted and will be thrown out, and a special task force convened to determine just how much of LeBron James's Hall of Fame induction ceremony will be devoted to discussing this anomaly.