Today In Straightforward Headlines: "Man Busted For Kicking Kitten Then Signaling Field Goal"

Police charged a South Side (Chicago) man with animal cruelty after officers say they watched him take a running start and kick his kitten 15 feet to 18 feet into the air before raising his arms to signal a successful field goal.

[...]

He told the arresting officers: "This is my cat, Nightmare. He is tough, we play like that all the time. It's just a cat," police said.

[Chicago Sun-Times]
h/t Scott