Oh, this poor, poor Canadian chappie. He's 34. He calls out a kid with a Mohawk because "we used to shave our heads." Then, he confronts brochacho wearing sunglasses at night in homage to Corey Hart, more likely than not. He then pulls the surrogate-father line of meddlin'.

Then, after noting that he WILL in fact, put the hammer down, he gets dropped, hit with a skateboard, dropped again, deshirted and kicked. In a final show of submission, he must watch from afar as his hat gets pissed on.

In other Tuesday Night Fights action ...

Lesbian brawl near the train tracks!

• A cow. Bamboo. Baskets on heads. Beach. Brawl.

• "They had a riot at B lunch and it got outrageous," said Everiel Johnson, a student. "They started throwing milk. Innocent people were getting hit for no reason."

Your 10-Minute "Hick Vs. Inbred" Backyard Brawl Doubles As A "One To Grow On" Life Lesson:

At the four-minute mark of this further proof of devolution, a fag-puffing mum enters the fray and asks a simple question: "Don't you fuckin' think it's fuckin' stupid to be fightin' fuckin' fightin' over bullshit ... if you knew it didn't 'appen?"

Fair question. But it's a good thing her advice went unheeded, as it enabled the world to see, at the 5:32 mark, the revolutionary head-butting-the-small-of-one's-back move. The rest of the fight, boring.

• In honor of Deadspin's Blood Week, here's what someone titled Bloodiest Match Ever on YouTube. It's Hannibal vs. Abdullah The Butcher. It's remarkable, especially when the announcer asks whether the event is sponsored by Tampax.

• Here's a Chicago icy-street fight.

• "Johnny Joyce fights paddy doherty outside pc world"

• Truth in advertising: "Ghetto Girls Brawl In Middle Of Streets In Front Of Little Kids."

Your Syringe-Involved, Bad-Butt Injections Talk-Show Fracas Interlude:

• "Ain't chu tha muthafucka that dropped Diego anyways? Let's go, bro." — Dude who gets dropped by dude who dropped Diego anyways.

• Yet another court fight, but one that doesn't get all camera-turned-to-the-side halfway through.

• ECHL Bakersfield Condors v. Ontario Reign Brawl. (h/t R.F.)

• Lacrosse Fight - MN Swarm vs. Buffalo Bandits. (h/t Joe S.)

Your Rebecca And Lindsey Do Battle On A Field Of Fists Coda: