Your morning roundup for Feb. 9. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors.

Will Ferrell Introduces Us To The Hornets, Bulls, And Luol Deng's Pet Dolphin, Chachi

What we're watching (all times EST, unless noted): Toronto at Philadelphia (NHL Network) in NHL hockey at 7. Wisconsin at Minnesota (ESPN), Mississippi at Mississippi State (ESPN2), and N.C. State at Georgia Tech (ESPNU) in men's college basketball at 7. Los Angeles Lakers at Boston (TNT) in NBA basketball at 8. Colorado at Arizona (ESPN), Virginia Tech at Miami (Fla.) (ESPN2), and Iowa at Northwestern (ESPNU) in men's college basketball at 9. USC at Stanford (Fox Sports Net) in women's college basketball at 9. Oklahoma City at Sacramento (TNT) in NBA basketball at 10. Saint Mary's at Gonzaga (ESPN2), Santa Clara at San Francisco (ESPNU), and Washington at Oregon (Fox Sports Net) in men's college basketball at 11.

Read me

The prose style of the Gettysburg Address: "A similar linking process is performed, almost subliminally, by the repeated pinning of statements to this field, these dead, who died here, for that kind of nation. The reverential touching, over and over, of the charged moment and place leads Lincoln to use 'here' eight times in the short text, the adjectival 'that' five times, and 'this' four times. The spare vocabulary is not impoverishing, because of the subtly interfused constructions, in which the classicist Charles Smiley identified 'two antitheses, five cases of anaphora, eight instances of balanced phrases and clauses, thirteen alliterations.' 'Plain speech' was never less artless. Lincoln forged a new lean language to humanize and redeem the first modern war." [The Atlantic]

This Date In Deadspin History

Feb 9, 2011: "Dear Pathetic, Ignorant Twats": The Duke/UNC War Of Words Heats Up

Elsewhere

About that Austin Rivers gamewinner: "That's when Doc Rivers knew. He'd seen it before. His son had set things up this way: He had forced UNC center Tyler Zeller into an uncomfortable switch, and now he had the big man right where he wanted. Doc's son was hesitating on purpose, waiting for the 7-foot Zeller to back up—just enough to see the rim, just enough to give it a chance." [ESPN]

Hey, look, it's Rick Reilly vs. the Boston media in the Let's All Root for the Comet Write-Off: "A little decaf, folks: The Patriots lost the Super Bowl on the last play of the game when a tipped ball failed to stay in the air another quarter second longer so a one-legged Rob Gronkowski could possibly catch it. If it had, all three of these writers would be hailing Brady, Belichick and Welker as just slightly greater than Lincoln." [ESPN]

Door flies open: "And Brady? Brady is NAWT ONE OF US. You see, we BAWSTON people stick close to our own! We ahhh born here, and then we go to school in Greenwich, and then we move to LA, and then maybe we die here-ahhhhh! WE'RE JUST THAT LOYAL. No othah town is like this! So when Brady is hangin' out in Santa Bahhhhbahhhhara and fackin' some undawcumented non-Mass resident, we get suspicious! WE KNOW SHIT IS FACKED! Tawm Brady is gawnna have to win us ovah again! Don't tell me that wasn't a shitty pass to Welkah! WELKAH CATCHES THAT BALL 150 TIMES OUT OF 100! I blame Glamour-ah Boy Brady fahhh fahhhgetting his roots! And I blame Bernahhhhd Pawllahhd! WE AHHH THE ONLY CITY THAT HAS HAD OW-AH PLAYERS HURT BY ANOTHAH PLAYAH! (pisses on nearby lamp post)" [KSK]

Your Kitty Wrestling And Boxing Interlude:

Brandon Jacobs is sorry: "New York Giants running back Brandon Jacobs apologized Wednesday night for telling reporters Tuesday that Gisele Bundchen should 'stay cute and shut up.' […] 'Given the fact that it's a colleague of mine's wife, I do apologize for saying that, because I shouldn't have said that,' Jacobs said Wednesday. 'It's his wife and I should respect that just as much as anyone else.'" [ESPN]

Rodney Harrison does not approve: "'I guarantee you this, if Willie McGinest, Tedy Bruschi, Larry Izzo, Richard Seymour or myself had been at that party, [Gronkowski] probably would have got his head rung,' said Harrison, who admitted he has not seen the video or photos of Gronkowski dancing at the party. "There's no reason for that to happen. …. 'When we lost the Super Bowl, any of my Super Bowl losses, I was so devastated the last thing I ever wanted to do was party, let alone dance or take off your shirt,' he added. 'It's just immaturity. It's not right. He made a mistake and I'm sure he feels absolutely stupid about it at this point. There's a time and place for everything.'" [CBS Sports]

The best Super Bowl 46 Craigslist casual encounters posts: "Looking to invited over to be the portable toilet while you and your friends watch the super bowl, so nobody has to miss any of the commercials. Willing to arrive in apron, and spend entire game on my knees receiving all offerings of you and your guest." [Ranker]

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