On Monday, Coe suffered a Twitter existential crisis, brought on by a meeting with his coach and the never-ending snows of the plains.

Tired of this snow #leavingiowa

Convo with coach #notgood #whereigofromhere

If I have to play d-line...... #notgoingtoiowa

Predictably, the whole turned into a mess. Iowa fans blasted Coe, who fought back, culminating in one magnificent malapropism:

Coe has backed off his threat to leave Iowa, saying he was just working through some angst, so for all intensive purposes this story is over. But I'm still harping on "pre Madonna." I know that on the internet, garbled idioms are a diamond dozen, so maybe I shouldn't poke fun. But Coe is quickly learning that it's a doggy dog world out there.