Have you ever dreamed of what the Monday Night Football Booth might sound like without Ron Jaworski and Jon Gruden egging each other on reach to new and disturbing levels of sycophantic guffawing? I have. Oh, how I've dreamed of a sensibly assembled two-man MNF booth featuring Mike Tirico bitching out the refs alongside QB Camp Gruden instead of Idiot Gruden. And now, at long last ... that dream has come to pass! In a rare convergence of political maneuvering and common sense, the ENTERTAINMENT SPORTS PROGRAMMING NETWORK has kicked Jaws out of the MNF booth. Leave it to ESPN to phrase a demotion as a "new, expanded, multiplatform role":
Ron Jaworski has signed a five-year extension with ESPN for a new, expanded multiplatform NFL analyst role that includes appearances on Sunday NFL Countdown, Monday Night Countdown, NFL Matchup, NFL-branded specials, Mike & Mike in the Morning, Pardon the Interruption, and other platforms and shows throughout the year. Also, ESPN's Monday Night Football will have a new two-person commentator team for the first time during the 2012 NFL season with Mike Tirico and analyst Jon Gruden.
Thank fucking Christ. I don't give a shit if they put Jaws on every other piece-of-shit ESPN studio show (and it appears they will). Those shows are strictly optional and I'd rather watch two dogs blowing two cats than tune in. But tuning into Monday Night Football is NOT optional, and now I can rest easy knowing that there will be room in the telecast for actual, live pauses between talking.
Gruden may have his tics (THIS GUY), but I bet he'll be vastly improved without Jaworski sitting next to him being like, "Let's see if you can suck this player's dick more than I'm about to suck this player's dick! I think Tarvaris Jackson has the tools to be an OUTSTANDING quarterback, Coach!" A lot of people might have preferred Jaws and Tirico in the booth to Tirico and Gruden, but I disagree. Jaws has proven terminally unable to tone it down. I hate his voice. I hate his face. I HATE HIS VERY SOUL. The odds of Gruden being more understated in a two-man booth, to me, are much better than if it were the other way around.
This is the smartest thing ESPN has ever done, and they almost certainly did it so that they could turn Gruden into a standalone brand, and not because they actually give a shit about you, the viewer at home. Whatever. Sometimes, even people at ESPN make sound decisions, in between fucking each other in the conference room.