Self-proclaimed life coach Jeremy Shockey was fingered today by NFL Network's Warren Sapp as the "snitch" who helped expose the New Orleans Saints' bounty program that led to coach Sean Payton's subsequent one-year suspension. Now, in keeping with the NFL's arcane sense of antiquated machismo, that's a bad thing. You don't want to be the one to speak up when players' futures might be needlessly jeopardized for $5,000 and $10,000 payouts. After all, snitches get stitches.

But Jeremy Shockey is going to fight this thing, don't you worry. He laid out his initial plan of attack today, so let's take a deeper look.

Talk to your former teammates:

Tweet pictures of your Miami spring break from your iPhone:

Deny that you killed old mobsters and buried them under Giants Stadium:

Make it clear that you are willing to be forthright and honest with any major media outlet that cares to hear your take of the allegations:

Implore upon ESPN's Rachel Nichols to engage in textual communications:

Finally, challenge Sapp to some kind of lie detector-to-the-death battle of wills:

Enjoy the truth, indeed.