Tim Tebow Laying Hands On Brian Dawkins And Other Stories

I did not see this story yesterday—must have been all the mud over my eyes. Having washed it away I can now see it and tell you it is wonderful. Behold:

"In our Bible study sessions when my neck was pretty bad and I'm hurting, [Tebow] along with our chaplain and [Broncos director of player development] Jerry Butler laid hands and prayed on me pretty good," Dawkins said. "They brought snot and tears to my eyes and all that type of good stuff with prayer."

It's unclear whether Dawkins actually had snot coming out of his eyes or if they were two separate events. All I know is that when you are talking laying hands, nothing is off the table. Not even snot eyes.

In the weeks and months to come, there will be plenty of time for Tebow to reveal his true self to his new teammates, coaches and New Yorkers in general. A preview of what is to come (my source is unimpeachable):

Tebow Joins Occupy Wall Street Protesters
A sign of solidarity with his new fanbase turns violent quickly when Tebow sees what has become of St. Paul's Chapel. Tebow expels the 1% percent, accusing them of turning his father's house into a den of thieves. Tebow then chopped the testicles off the famed Charging Bull as onlookers said it was "really symbolic, man."

Shonn Greene: Tebow Saved My Career
Following a Jets trade to move up and draft Trent Richardson, the wildly inconsistent and injury-prone Shonn Greene's career was dead. "I just remember hearing a voice," said Greene's career. "'Whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die' it said. Next thing I know, he tells me to come forth, and I'm in the endzone dancing."

Tebow Turns Water into Gatorade For Entire Practice
He's the new guy. This is just hazing.

Michelle Ryan and Tim Tebow Meet
After a long day of practice, Rex introduces his wife to Tim and the two hit it off instantaneously. Michelle had a reputation for being a bit of a wild child, but Tim never judged her, he made her feel like a good person. She was so moved by his grace, she offered to wash his feet. And, when Tim allowed...

Tim Tebow Dead, Jets Looking For New Head Coach