There Were Three Stooges At Yesterday's NASCAR Event, And They Were Not Named Dale, Darryl, Or DarrellS

From the moment he slipped the fire suit over his frizzed hair, Larry knew his dreams had finally become reality. He'd aspired to pilot the speed machine from the time he was five years old, playing with Matchbox—

No. Fuck this. What you see above, people, is an abomination. Fuck you, NASCAR, for reminding us all (at yesterday's Auto Club 400 in California) that 20th Century Fox is taking the work of three dudes whose names were (more or less) Larry, Moe, and Curly and turning them into cartoon characters less in touch with the real thing than NBC's ProStars. Except those were actual cartoons, whereas here I'm using the word figuratively.

And what's with the Curly bias? Shemp was as much a Stooge as Curly ever was anyway, nor is it entirely clear which Curly (Howard or Joe) is being portrayed here. The whole thing is a damned mess—as was the Auto Club 400, which Tony Stewart won in a race that was called short due to rain.