How A White Person Gets His Hair Cut In America TodayDrew Magary4/24/12 1:00pmFiled to: Deadspin XYBalls DeephaircutsThis is so stupidshutterstock41EditPromoteShare to KinjaToggle Conversation toolsGo to permalinkI went to get my hair cut the other day. I meant to get it cut a month earlier, but my wife went into early labor and had a kid and the kid had to stay in the NICU forever and there's no good time in the middle of all that to be like, "Excuse me, guys. Daddy needs some time for Daddy at the beauty parlor." As a result, my hair got big, and I passed that murky threshold where you go from wanting a haircut to saying FUCK IT and seeing how long your gorgeous, flowing locks can grow. I wish I had the balls to grow my hair out for a period of, like, two full years. I always get images in my head of what my gruff biker hair would look like, with random women walking by wanting to stroke it. But then I remember that growing your hair long results in dandruff. Endless, repulsive dandruff, as I quickly found. You could have staged a nativity scene with my flakes. It was terrifying.