Fame-chasing tennis underachiever Caroline Wozniacki still hasn't won a Grand Slam, but she has released her first music video, "Oxygen." It's predictably noisy, cheap, and Euro (a German or Belgian shepherd is the star of the video? So is a tennis ball?)

For someone who is supposed to be the Tennis Player With Personality, Woznaicki disappointingly refrains from dancing. Or swaying. Or activating any muscles in her face. Is this the same person who three years ago hung out with drunk U.S. Open revelers after a match, and put on a Morten Anderson jersey (a fellow Dane!) just because one of them asked her to? The person who told the Australian Open media that a leg injury was caused by a kangaroo attack (she later admitted she was lying)?

Yet here she is, stiffly intoning: "I'm breathing you I'm breathing you I'm breathing you I'm breathing you." You're breathing? (Maybe she should have called it "Carbon Dioxide.")

So even Caroline Wozniacki seems not to understand why Caroline Wozniacki is going into the dance-pop business. It's not as if she's got a lot of role models. Justine Henin did show us a couple years ago why tennis players shouldn't dance. And Rafael Nadal seemed quite bored (yet managed to look very good!) in this Shakira video. Wozniacki has the Rafa motionlessness down. But she forgot to bring in a pop singer.