Dead Letters: "Stop Lying And Write Something Real"

Welcome back to Dead Letters, the feature in which we reprint our favorite fan mail from throughout the week. It's like Deleted Scenes, but without all the scuzz money. We should take this moment to remind you that all emails to Deadspin and its editors are on the record unless otherwise specified. Now for your letters.

Subject: baseball baby

From: Joshua Sheppard
To: Tim Burke

Tim,

I was not aware that it is every crying child's God given right to have every foul ball in a 15 yard vicinity of where the ball was obtained. I also was unaware that when you pay to go to a baseball game, enjoy yourself, get excited, take a picture to show your excitement, and love your spouse that you are now considered a douchebag. I guess if enjoying myself and loving my spouse is being a douchebag than I am also a douchebag. Actually, no. I think that I and this couple are just normal people enjoying themselves. I also don't feel that I need to cater to every cry baby child I will meet throughout my life.

Moral of the story is that these are not the thoughts of America and there are only 2 douchebags here: you and Michael Kay.

Tell your boss to not allow you to write anything on deadspin for 3 months... Douchebag

Subject: "worst people"

From: Elizabeth Storey
To: Tim Burke

How dare you say that about a couple that may have their own child to give the ball too...
Kids don't get what they want...they cry...doesn't mean they should get what they want all the time.
It was the couples choice...and they should not feel bullied into giving it away if they didn't want to

I have no doubt you will not respond...and likely with your attitude really don't care..but, honestly....give it another look. Our local radio station presented this this morning and 95% of the people do not agree with you or your comments...

Elizabeth Storey

Subject: Liar

From: Sam Fuchs
To: Tom Scocca

Your baseball chart is incorrect in so many ways. It says you deserve a ball LESS if you use a glove!!? What complete horse shit. You brought the glove around all day, you're prepared, you're a real fan, that's your ball. Also, NO, little kids don't deserve to get the ball, ever, unless they caught it. The crying rangers kid proved that point when he was given a totally random, non-game-used ball, and he was just as ecstatic as is he had caught a foul. Congratulations to the shitty kid who has proven children are too stupid to appreciate a foul ball and should never be handed them, under any circumstances.

Scocca, stop lying and write something real!

Subject: your stupidity

From: Yvonne Soof
To: Tim Burke

really dumb to make these people out be horrible people! shame on you! kids cry when they want something..big deal. i have had kids i don't know ask me for money, or 2 buy them something ect. what do you want us to teach kids, shed tears and everyone should give you what you want or they are nasty people? they got the ball. it was their property. we should teach kids that it does not belong to them. this whole article is stupid. don't you have anything better to write about? you are discusting making those fans out to be monsters.
i would hate to meet your spoiled brats. do you ever use the word "NO" to your kids?

Subject: ITV Cuts Into Champions League Time To Bring You A Very Surprised Newsreader

From: Jarrod Scharber
To: Barry Petchesky

Dude.....you want to talk about soccer so badly that somehow this becomes worthy of a post. Fuck.
"3 minutes into the second leg"......Really? The second leg? Give me a fucking break.
Take this bullshit soccer garbage elsewhere...and the stupid ass vernacular too.

Love the site. Just giving you shit. But seriously....soccer is fucking gay.

Regards -

Jarrod M. Scharber, Esquire

Subject: Ron Paul?

From: Cory Fuller
To: The Staff

Here's a tip....take the sad, pathetic, and untrue rhetoric against Ron Paul out of your story about racist remarks made toward Joel ward at a hockey game. How can you possibly make the distinction about 'free citizens' and Ron Paul in your article. To tell you the truth, you're just as bad as the racists for saying that garbage they said on twitter. Shame on all of you.

Sent from my iPad

Subject: Ron Paul had nothing to do with racist boston fans

From: John Votta
To: The Staff

I'm not really sure why you would include that in your article. It's people like you in the media that give Ron Paul a bad name...

Dead Letters: "Stop Lying And Write Something Real"

Subject: Why do you continue to write about NBA players when you don't follow the NBA?

From: Myles Niedner
To: Drew Magary

Goddamnit dude, were you writing about MWP or yourself?

"All of those incidents are stunts. They're the kind of things writers do when they want attention and can't attract it through the work that made them famous in the first place. The reason people like readers get suckered is because they always fall for any writer who, at least on the surface of things, is different from the rest. On the whole, writers are boring as shit when they're not writing their writing, so we feel gratitude when someone, ANYONE, offers up something new."

You're the dude who had a fucking book reading at a shitty hipster bar (that didn't even have a television, had to check the NBA scores on my iPhone) in DC, and when I asked you about MarShon Brooks you acted like Palin fielding a question on the current economic state in AsiaPac. When I asked you about your book (underground Seven Corners, specifically) you were all about it. Because you don't give a shit about sports, you give a shit about being a real cool writer.

It's because you're a fucking phony, just like the rest of the writers. Do some goddamn research; MWP is the guy who made Craig Sager say "Queens Bridge" (because he actually cares about where he came from), constantly gives shout outs to his therapist (because he actually cares about helping himself, and dealing with his mental health), and auctioned his fucking CHAMPIONSHIP RING for mental health awareness (because he cares about helping others).

So you can do one of two things here:

Pretend you're a real cool guy, ignore this mail, and enjoy the circle jerk from the gossip fans on Deadspin.
Look at yourself in the mirror, sack up, and be a better person.

Best,
MFN

Subject: Re: Ron Artest/Meta World Peace

From: 50andstillfly
To: Drew Magary

No, (bleep) you. Metta had just gone the length of the floor and dunked on MVP candidate Kevin Durant and noted cheap shot artist Kendrick Perkins. If you did that, you'd write at least 5000 words about it. Metta celebrated, and when Harden crowded him, threw a "get off me" elbow that unfortunately caught Harden right on the temple (what was Harden dong there, anyway? He wasn't defending the play, and he's not the point guard so he shouldn't have been going to bring the ball upcourt).

Your point that Metta isn't terribly interesting is fair. Your point that he has no basketball skills is not. Go back and look at the defense he played on Durant.

50andstillfly

Subject: Regarding your article on Ron Artest

From: Jake Monson
To: Drew Magary

Drew,

I had the misfortune of reading your "article" on Ron Artest. While I'm still dumbfounded by your disgusting display of unwarranted hate, and also studying for a Calculus mid-term, I think I'll be able to muster a couple coherent thoughts on what you had to say. You say that "part of you" believes he elbowed James Harden for the attention it would receive. You admit that your opinion on Ron has flip-flopped, dependent on what others are saying about him. You call him a "flaky shithead," attributing any flash of uniqueness he's ever shown to a desire for attention. It's all a publicity stunt, to you. You think Phil Jackson was bullshitting when he said what he said about Ron. Phil, who publicly trashed his star Gasol on his play, was just saying that to get the media, or the fans, to buy into the acquisition of Artest. Maybe he was trying some positive reinforcement? Maybe? Aside from what one of the more cerebral minds in basketball has to say, you should simply know that what you're saying is false and inconsiderate. Ron Artest may have a severe psychological issue (he publicly thanked his shrink, remember?). If you cared to consider his upbringing, or think about what he's been through, including the fact that he saw his 19-year-old teammate get stabbed with a broken table leg and die, you might have realized that publicity stunts aren't likely what Ron Artest is about. You might have realized that Ron Artest is as genuine as they come, and every bit as much a "breath of fresh air" as you were supposedly swayed to believe when he came to the Lakers.

I'm an OKC fan, but I can see what happened on the court. Ron Artest's love for the game is unquestionable, and his passion is unmistakable. You, however, call into question that last clause. Have you really mistaken Artest's misplaced passion for a publicity stunt? Do you equate Ron elbowing Harden in simultaneity with his celebration to walking up to him and leveling him with a punch? The physical effects are obviously similar, but the intentions are worlds apart. It was inexcusable, for sure, but it wasn't as if Ron had his heart set on injuring James or even harming him. There is obviously a hint of instability in Ron Artest. It's what you get when you ask somebody who was raised as he was and has seen what he's seen, to leave it all out on the court. But it's easy to see that you aren't caught up on this singular act. Nor are you caught up on cumulative acts. You're caught up on the person. Why else would you insult something as irrelevant to the discussion as his music (which, by the way, is good enough to be one of the best songs on the NBA 2k11 soundtrack)? You hate to see Ron Artest in such a great position. You like to believe that if you were in his position, you would be the perfect gentleman, never acting out and never causing controversy. Is that how it would be if you were in his position? Doubtful, but it's pointless to speculate, because you are NOT in Ron Artest's position. You do not know what it is like to be Ron Artest. Nor do I, but I know what type of passion he has. I know the adversity that he has faced. More importantly, I understand what it does to a person, I can empathize. Ron Artest is a success story. What transpired yesterday is one of several unfortunate blemishes in his career, but to chalk it up to an act or a thirst for attention is stupid. Ron Artest has good intentions, and his career thus far has been anything besides an act. This article is exactly the type of "journalism" that gives the media its bad reputation.

Sincerely,
Jacob Monson

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Regarding "Do You Deserve That Foul Ball? Consult This Handy Chart"

Scott Tester ‎"deserve?" really? Is that the word you really want to use in this situation? Fuck this whole chart, and fuck deadspin for their bullshit elitist fuckwad attitude regarding this whole situation. The kid didn't get the fucking ball. Life is hard sometimes.